The least well-defined word in the English language

I have been sitting here for the last half hour watching the Johns Hopkins v. Navy lacrosse game on my DVR. This game features a couple of things close to my heart: lacrosse - the greatest sport ever invented, and Baltimore, which will always hold a special place in my heart. Baltimore is the city where I became a husband (maybe Charlottesville wins on this one, but only very temporarily), where I became a father, and where I became a teacher. Also while in Baltimore, I ran my first road race, so in a way, it's the city where I became a runner. Husband/father/teacher/runner - that pretty much sums up everything that is important to me, except for the more recent addition of cyclist. What does any of this have to do with the title of the blog post? The TV cameras keep focusing in on Dave Pietramala, the coach of the Johns Hopkins team. The shirt he is wearing says in large letters across the back, "FAMILY". That got me thinking about what that word means. In the year 2011, what is a family? It seems like such a simple concept, but the differences in the way people define that word result in some of the biggest fights today.

The irony of this whole thing is that I have one of the most stereotypically traditional families possible. Two parents, two kids, several pets - the fifties would be proud. Okay, so my wife makes more money than I do. The fifties might not be proud of that, but I definitely am! (And I hope my kids are too!) I have an adopted niece. While "family" may be the least well-defined word in the English language, "adoption" may be the most meaningless in my opinion. If somebody says, "This is my adopted daughter," that is just a waste of three syllables. The statement, "This is my daughter," says exactly the same thing. Who cares about the biology of the situation!? Family is family. Love is love.

I have several good friends who are in very stable, long-term homosexual relationships. Are those couples any less a family because they choose to risk the scorn of so many people to be with the person they love? All this talk about how gay marriage is going to ruin the institution of marriage is ridiculous! Again, love is love. Family is family. I have several good friends who have been in traditional marriages and have gotten divorced, but every friend of mine in a long-term homosexual relationship has made it work. Yes, that is anecdotal, and there are plenty of homosexual relationships that don't work out, but that doesn't make them any worse than, or any danger to, old-fashioned straight relationships.

Although I don't get to watch it as much as I would like, I am a big fan of the TV show "What Would You Do?" On the show, they have actors stage uncomfortable situations just to see how people will react. Not surprisingly, most people mind their own business and ignore what is going on, although some situations they have set up have definitely engendered more reactions than others. Last night, I watched the show and they set up a situation where a white woman and a black man were telling their parents in a restaurant that they were getting married. Both families were furious and let the "kids" know quite loudly that they disapproved of the inter-racial relationship. For the first time, almost everybody took the time to intervene in the situation. Has the US actually gotten to the point where almost everybody will go out of their way to say that an interracial family is okay? I'm too cynical to believe that's true, no matter how much I wish it were.

I recently had the privilege of reading a soon-to-be-published book by a former student of mine in which some of the main characters are a family of brothers who have lost their parents. In the book, the oldest brother has official custody of the other three, but there is a lot of tension with that relationship. Is he a brother or a parent? All of them struggle with that relationship in a very believable way. Can four teenage boys constitute a family? You cannot read this book without answering with a resounding YES even though it can be very difficult for them. What makes them a family? At times they can't even stand to be around each other, but when it comes down to it, they all want the best for each other. When one of them is in a dangerous situation, they all come to his aid. The oldest brother constantly struggles with the fact that, to keep them together, he has to be strict and make the others hate him at times. What matters most, though, is keeping them all together and keeping them safe. Even though most of the time, the four brothers are ready to kill each others, just like most siblings, when the going gets tough, they would die for each other in a second. Is that the definition of family? If so, that's a pretty high standard! Is it a better standard then biology? I'm not ready to say yes to that either. The definition of the word "family" is at the heart of so much legislation today, and I don't know what the best answer is. I can confidently say that I think the "good ole days" of the fifties are behind us and we are now living the "better new days" of the new millennium. In a lot of ways, I think it's unfortunate that we even have to attempt to define "family" because any definition inherently implies restrictions. If only we could all just say "family is family - love is love" and let that suffice!