New Perspective

A month or so ago, some television channel ran a marathon of old episodes of My So-Called Life. When I'm up late working and there's nothing good on TV for background noise, I'll turn on an episode on the DVR. It is definitely interesting to go back to a show that you loved as a teenager now that you have 20 years of perspective. My first thought each time I watch is that the show really was THAT good! It is definitely one of the best-written shows ever on television, and the acting is actually really good too - especially considering that they were almost all unknown kids at the time. As a parent and a high school teacher, I feel like I'm more qualified than most to judge the authenticity of a show about teenagers, and they did a terrific job.

I recognized my truly new perspective while watching the show last night. I was a teenage boy when the show came out, so I don't think anybody will be surprised that I was totally in love with Angela Chase back then. Now I'm watching the show as the parent of a daughter not far from Angela's age. Last night I watched the pilot in which Angela dyes her hair that awesome dark red. This past summer, my daughter dyed her hair blue. Sometimes Angela has trouble finding her place in school because she thinks about things and feels things at a deeper level than most of her classmates - again, just like my daughter. Watching this show from the perspective of a parent is possibly even more awesome than watching it from the perspective of a teenager. At the end of the pilot last night, after struggling through her desire to rebel and be independent, Angela finally breaks down and falls crying into the safety of her mother's arms. It was a perfect portrayal of the struggles of a young teenager, wanting freedom but needing safety at the same time. My first thought  - Wow! That just completely made her mother's year! Watching the show as a teenager, I had no idea how difficult all of this was for her parents  - trying to find the right balance of letting Angela figure out who she is without giving her too much rope. Sometimes they mess up, sometimes they hit the balance perfectly. At the same time they have their own struggles and issues to deal with. They are not perfect, but overall they do a pretty darned good job and have raised a pretty awesome daughter. I had no idea that you could watch this as a show about the struggles of parenting a teenager as opposed to just a show about the struggles of being a teenager, but it's a brand new show this way, and equally awesome!

Jump to 4:30 for the final scene. Any parent will appreciate the look on Mrs. Chase's face when Angela starts to apologize.

Shipwrecked

One of the highlights of my year at work is the Burch trip. We take the entire ninth grade out for a 5-day backpacking experience on the Appalachian Trail, led by instructors from Outward Bound. I love watching our students tackle the challenges they face on the trail and experience an environment completely unlike what many of them are used to. One faculty member accompanies each group of 10-12 students, and the experience has been completely different with the different groups of kids I have accompanied. Some years I am very impressed by them, and other years I am disappointed. Even in the disappointing years, though, there are always a few kids that stand out from the group as exceptional.

The Outward Bound instructors are very good at challenging the group just beyond their comfort zones. They have a huge bag of tricks from which to draw and adjust their plan on the fly as they learn what the current group can handle. So far, my favorite challenge they've given the group is the Shipwreck. We roped off a small part of the campsite and told the group that their ship had capsized. As they swam to the closest island, they were only able to grab three bags of gear. We set out the gear in bags for them to choose before we started. The groups of 10 chose a bag with three sleeping bags, another with a single headlamp so that they could see to use the bathroom during the night, and the "mystery bag". If they had chosen dinner, they would have also had to choose the stove to cook it, so they correctly assumed the mystery bag had food that didn't need cooking in it. The group all agreed at the end of the trip that shipwreck was the best night of the trip, as they had to really work together to get through the night.

Why am I thinking about this right now? The kids are out on Burch right now. I wasn't able to go this year because I committed our family to hosting an exchange student this week instead, but I can't help but think about the trip this week. Tonight I am thinking about the shipwreck. If some calamity happened to my home, what would be the three things I would grab on my way out of the house? The true answer is too easy. I would get my family out. Really - what else matters? But that answer is too easy, so let's make a "no living things" rule. If some calamity happened to your home and you could only grab three things on the way out, with everything else sure to be destroyed, what three things would you grab (other than living things)? It's a tough question, and one that can definitely induce some guilt. Once you choose your three, look back at them and think about what that says about you.

What are my three? Even as I type this, I'm not sure. I'll give it a try, though. This is just a rough draft.

1) My laptop. So much is on my laptop - everything that has to do with my work, all of my photos, a lot of my day-to-day entertainment. It seems like a minor thing, but computers really have become the link between the individual and the world.

2) My dad's picture. I only have one (he died over 30 years ago), and right now it's not even on the wall because it recently fell and the frame broke and I haven't gotten around to replacing the frame, but I think I'd want that one momento.

3) As much as I could possibly grab related to the piano. If I could get the piano itself out, I would. If not, I would grab an armload of sheet music, assuming that I could use pianos in the practice rooms at school. The piano is the easiest way for me to tap into and express whatever emotions I've been bottling up inside, and I think if I had some kind of calamity in which I lost all but three things I owned, I would need that outlet to get me through.

Once you put those three things in writing, you have to start thinking about what you left out. The one glaring omission seems to be anything family-related. I haven't rescued my kids' baby books or the cake topper from our wedding (which we still proudly display). Since the assumption at the beginning was that living things were safe, I hope it is not too damning that I did not rescue any of those things. We should still have plenty of years to create new memories.

What are your three? Do you see a theme? Are they all work-related? Family-related? Selfish (like mine)? What does that mean? Are you brave enough to respond with your three things in the comments section below? With what should I replace one of the items on my list of three?

What could possibly be next?

Before you commit any time to reading this blog entry, let me warn you that this one is a downer. If you're not up for that right now, then move on to something else. I've said before that this blog is a good place to put down my conflicting thoughts to help myself sort through them, and this is one of those cases. I've been complaining for the past couple of days about how awful they have been and all the terrible things that keep happening, and then tonight I got hit by a massive dose of perspective.

First, the backstory. This weekend was originally going to be a triumphant weekend for Deb and I as we were going to complete our first century ride together. For the non-cyclists out there, a century ride is a 100-mile organized group ride. Deb has been battling a foot injury all fall, which has hopefully been diagnosed correctly for the first time this week, but she had to drop out of the ride weeks ago. Instead I left Saturday afternoon to drive out to the town where the ride started Sunday morning to do my first century on my own. As I left campus, I noticed a group of kids playing together in the front fields - a pretty standard EHS sight and one of the big reasons we live here. While at dinner in Front Royal, VA, I get a call from Deb telling me how Mark had gone out to play with those kids right after I left and had ended up falling awkwardly on his hand and injuring it. She took him the the school doctor/next-door neighbor who showed her how to splint it and told her to call our doctor in the morning. By morning it was so swollen that Deb took him to the ER to get it x-rayed. Luckily it's a bad sprain, not a break, but he's in a pretty serious splint for a while. At every rest stop on the bike ride, I checked in to see what progress had been made in his diagnosis. So at this point, we have Deb out with an injured foot and Mark in a splint with an injured hand.

I, at least, had a terrific bike ride. The weather was cool and comfortable and the tomato sandwiches were delicious. Around mile 80 I started thinking about what I wanted to post as my triumphant post-ride Facebook status. By mile 85 I had settled on a picture of my cyclocomputer showing the >100 mile distance with a caption of "Take THAT, bucket list!" At mile 86.2, I hear a pop, and then a metallic clank-clank-clank-clank. I immediately hit my brakes to see what happened and the guy who had been drafting off of me rode by yelling, "Broken spoke!" Yep - with less than 14 miles to go, I had broken a spoke. I knew there was a mechanic stationed at mile 91.8, so I used one of the twist ties attaching my number to my bike to MacGyver a temporary fix and rode on cautiously. The mechanic told me I had the choice of stopping there and paying a few dollars to replace the spoke later, or finish the ride on my crippled bike and then spend a few hundred dollars replacing the wheel. So, my first century ride ended after 92 miles, and I got a ride in a car back to the finish.

So now we have injuries to Deb, Mark, Josephine (my bike), and my ego. I spent all of Monday grumpy. I ended my soccer practice early that afternoon so that I could get home and go help coach Mark's first soccer practice (which he would be watching from the sideline). I get home at 5:45. Deb has planned a party at 6:00 in honor of the German exchange student we are currently hosting. Strangely enough, Deb is not there. I find my 13-year-old daughter, Layne, in the kitchen preparing for the party. She is in the middle of making sandwiches and in a very calm state of near-panic (yes, that made sense in my mind) as she tries to get the entire party ready in 15 minutes. I ask how I can help, and she puts me to work. Soon one of her friends arrives, and Layne puts her to work too. The one bright spot in this whole weekend was watching Layne take charge. She really has the kind of leadership skills I don't have. She stayed calm, prioritized the work, delegated responsibilities to others, trusted them to do their jobs well, and got things done efficiently. In those 15 minutes, she made enough sandwiches to feed the guests, prepared decorative serving bowls of finger foods and snacks, and even prepared an apple pie and got it baking in the oven. This just confirms two things I keep saying on this blog - Teenagers are Awesome! and My Daughter is One of My Favorite People in the World! In the end, the party started at 6:00 and Deb got home at 6:15. Such is DC traffic! Because of Layne, though, the party was a success. I, personally, was ridiculously stressed out by the whole situation, but Layne took it in stride and just got the job done.

So, with all this going on, I am of course responding in the most mature of all possible ways - by whining on my Facebook status. An old friend from high school posts a response which helps me think about perspective - that there are millions of people out there with real problems who would dream of having the problems I have. Still today, though, I find myself whining about all the problems of the last few days. Then tonight, the phone rang and perspective was on the other end of the line. The mother of one of my advisee's was calling to let me know that the older brother of a friend of his had been found dead in his college dorm room this afternoon. She wanted me to know so that I could check up on her son/my advisee as he handled this news. Long story short - he and his classmates who knew the boy are handling it very well. They are shaken but doing a very good job of supporting each other. Have I mentioned lately that Teenagers are Awesome! Now that I've checked in on them, I get to start trying to process the news myself.

I have to be very careful what I say here because there are so many privacy laws (and there should be!) and I know more than I should say in public. The best I can say here is that I had a strange special bond with the boy who died today. I can't say why, but I definitely felt that bond. It's interesting the kids that you really feel connected to over the years, like the one I mentioned in my 9/11 post. This was a very different bond, but one that actually meant more to me than I realized. Because of that bond, this boy's death is a real failure for me. It is part of a doctor's training to deal with the fact that she can't save every life - some patients will die. Similarly, teachers know that they can't turn every student into the kind of mature, healthy adult who loves our subject best that we want them to be. Death isn't supposed to be part of the picture, though. We don't deal with those kinds of things. This is a case, though, where I can't help wondering if we couldn't have done more.

In the end, I have to look at the events of the last few days with a healthy perspective, but that's hard to do until you can find a little bit of emotional detachment. I've been complaining about traffic and broken bike spokes while at the same time kids have been dying. Perspective works both ways, though. While it helps me to realize how minor my problems have been and how great my life is, it also cushions me and protects me from the pain of the bigger problems. While I can't help but wonder if we could have done more to help this young man, I need to realize that his problems were beyond what we could handle. We did everything we could to help, and I know many others did too, but in the end, it just wasn't possible to do enough. This student's death was a tragedy and there is nobody to blame. As much as those of us who live comfortable lives in affluent nations like to think we are in control, in the end we aren't. Some things are too big for us to control or avoid. We just need to keep doing the best we can and helping each other through this life. There will always be tragedies, but there is so much more beauty and good in the world. We can't stop working to avoid the tragedies as best we can, but we also can't lose perspective.

I think I'll go watch my son sleep for a few minutes before I go to bed.

Remembering...

Somehow I feel like I have to post a 9/11 blog today, even though I am only an occasional blogger. This has been a strange day in several ways. I'm never sure what is the best way to honor the innocent people who lost their lives to terrorists, and a big part of me thinks the best way is to go about our lives just like normal. Terrorism is all about fear. As awful as the loss of nearly 3000 lives at once was 10 years ago, that is a drop in the bucket in terms of the US population. Terrorism is not about defeating us, it is about causing fear. In a lot of ways, today was a completely unremarkable day. We slept in a little bit, went for a bike ride to visit Art on the Avenue (or whatever it is called), had leftovers for lunch, enjoyed dinner at an outdoor table at Guapo's, and canned 12 pints of ridiculously tasty apple pie filling that we can pull out throughout the winter whenever we want a typically American treat. 

I think back 10 years to the day the terrorists struck. I was a new teacher at Episcopal. Some of the details are cloudy, but I remember my students coming into class talking about a plane hitting the World Trade Center. We turned on the TV in the classroom to see what was going on, and ended up watching the second tower struck live on TV. We were all stunned, but still naively in denial. At the end of that class I had a free period, and by then the reality was setting in. The Pentagon had been hit, and in some parts of the campus you could see the smoke rising. Because I was free that period, I was assigned a student whose father could have been affected. I am still impressed with how quickly Episcopal identified the students who might have parents in jeopardy. My student's father worked for one of the three big networks' news agencies in the Pentagon, so he was understandably not answering his phone. Normally he worked in the part of the building that was directly his by the plane, but fortunately, with the renovations they were doing, he was not there at the time. We were finally able to get in touch with him and assure the student that his father was okay. I think that was more of a relief to me than to him, because he still had enough 14-year-old "my dad is invincible" attitude to reach a healthy level of denial. Over the next few years before this student graduated from Episcopal, we developed a very good, although maybe quirky, relationship. We are currently Facebook friends and I love watching what he is doing now that he is fully an adult by any measure. He is already a far better man than I will ever be, and although he probably does not even remember that day the way I do, it will always mean a lot to me that we have that extra connection from 9/11/01.

What did I do today to commemorate 9/11/01? Pretty much nothing, and I can't think of a better tribute to the people who put their lives on the line every day to make sure that I can do just that! I owe a huge thank you to the police officers, fire fighters, and members of the armed forces who have devoted all or even a part of their lives to protect my freedom and safety, not just because they did so on 9/11/01, but because they do so every day of every year. For them, there was nothing special about that day - they just happened to be on duty. That is what makes ALL of them so courageous and heroic.

The Danger of a Single Story

In one of our faculty orientation meetings this week, we watched the beginning of a TEDTalk that I just finished watching, called The Danger of a Single Story.

http://www.ted.com/talks/chimamanda_adichie_the_danger_of_a_single_story.html

Nothing I could say to summarize Adichie's talk could come close to the charm and power with which she presented it, but the basic idea is that we have to guard against forming opinions and understandings based on a "single story". She talks about her roommate in college who could not fathom her experience as a basically middle class Nigerian, because her roommate had only a single story about Africa - one of extreme poverty and disease. She confessed to times when she herself was embarrassed by her own ability to believe a single story. Her words are definitely powerful.

As a teacher, I always need to be on guard for the single story. Students get reputations, and too often teachers walk into the classroom on the first day of school already having formed opinions about a number of kids in the class, based on the single story they have heard from a colleague. With our international student body, it is also very easy to make assumptions in a similar way. I teach advanced math classes. When I see a Korean student on my class list, I am often too quick to assume that this will be a driven kid for whom grades matter more than anything else. I have taught enough Korean students over the years to know that they are just as much individuals as all students are.

Adichie makes another point that really struck me while listening to the talk. When trying to understand somebody's story, we must start from the beginning. She gives multiple examples of how changing the starting point can change an entire story, such as starting with Native Americans firing arrows at settlers rather than starting with Europeans invading land that native tribes had inhabited for years. The same is true of our students. Especially in a boarding school where kids come from all over and we know very little of their pasts, teachers have a tendency to start our stories of students with the first day of school. It is impossible to truly understand what motivates that student without learning the 15 years of stories that came before. Obviously it is impossible to learn all of that about all of the students I work with, but it is critical that SOMEBODY does learn all of that about each student. Every student must feel that connection and must feel valued as a complete individual.

Adichie's talk made me think about the many advantages of boarding school and why I love this overwhelming life. When I taught day school, students WERE single stories for me. I saw them only in the classroom and as academic beings. I definitely tried to connect with them and see more than that single story, but when it came down to my official interaction with them, it was limited. In the boarding school environment, it is almost impossible to see a student as a single story. I teach them in the classroom, coach them on the soccer field, work with them on dorm, run into them while they're hanging out with their boyfriend or girlfriend on the weekend. I see them interact with my family and with the families of their classmates. I see how they choose to decorate their rooms and what music they listen to. I see them laugh, fight, celebrate, cry, and sometimes even mourn. Teenagers are the most complex of all of us, because they have SO many stories intersecting in their lives and they are trying so hard to figure out which ones to adopt as their own and how to begin writing novel stories of their own. As adults, we've usually settled into a few comfortable stories which give us rich and rewarding lives, but teenagers are still trying things out. No job could be more challenging or exciting than trying to help them do just that. As boarding school teachers, we are certainly teaching our academic subjects and trying to create new mathematicians, or scientists, or linguists, but most importantly, we are helping these amazing young people understand the stories that have brought them to this point, and helping them to become the authors of their own lives. I can't wait to get started again on Tuesday!

Teenagers Rock!

Just spent the evening watching Soul Surfer with my family. For those who don't remember, this is the true story of a 13-year-old girl who has her left arm bitten off by a shark while surfing in Hawaii. She goes on with her life and becomes a world-class competitive surfer again after the accident. I think watching this movie was far more difficult for me than for a lot of people, because I was sitting next to my own 13-year-old daughter while watching the movie, and it is impossible not to put her in Bethany Hamilton's place mentally while watching the movie.

The amazing thing about this story is the strength shown by Bethany (and her entire family). Of course she struggles, and I am sure that she struggled more in real life with the unfairness of her situation than in the movie, but she also kept finding the strength to go on with a positive outlook. I would be willing to bet that a lot of people who don't have teenage children, or don't have the privilege of working with teenagers as closely as I do, watch this movie and find the whole thing sickeningly Pollyanna and unrealistic, but it's just not. One of the reasons this movie was so hard to watch is that, when I picture my daughter in that situation, I see her doing exactly what Bethany does in the movie. She would accept her situation and make the best of it. She would probably enjoy the embarrassment of all the people who are not sure how to handle her more than Bethany did, but Layne get's that evil streak from me, so I understand. :) In fact, MOST of the teenagers I work with would be able to find the positive side and come out of this tragedy with their spirits intact. I'm not sure I could say the same about the adults I know, and I am confident that I could not say it about myself. Teenagers are in a constant state of flux - everything about them changes every day. They are so resilient and ready for the changes in a way that we adults are not. Why is this?

I think it is all about control - or at least perceived control. Teenagers are at a point in their lives where they want to take control of themselves, but really they have very little of it. They are still accustomed to not being in control and can weather the storms when everything seems to be chaos. When they come out of that chaos with a positive attitude, as Bethany does in the movie, that is their way of taking control. They can't control the circumstances, so they control the only thing they can - their attitude. (That same sentence applies to the many times that teenagers have a horrid attitude!) As adults, we have gotten used to having control over the circumstances of our lives more. Because of that, we are not as able to handle the unexpected chaos the way teenagers can. We have established our comfort zones and erected walls around them so high that, when we are tossed out of those comfort zones, we can't even see them anymore and land in the panic zone rather than the challenge zone. Teenagers have not had the luxury of building those comfort zones yet, or at least they haven't been able to fortify them as well, so when they get tossed out of them, they have a huge challenge zone to land in rather than falling into the panic zone. As a teacher, it is my job to push teenagers into that challenge zone, and I push harder and harder every year. For the first time this year I pushed a few into the true panic zone, and I will have to learn to tread that boundary carefully, but the closer I can get without crossing over, the better teacher I will be. Nothing is more exciting than watching teenagers overcome challenges, and I sometimes find it hard to believe that anybody is willing to do any job other than teaching. Teenagers rock, and I am lucky to live a life where I get to see them do that on a daily basis!

Motivational Quotes

Today I got a package in the mail - my RoadID that I ordered last week. For those who don't know, this is a bracelet to wear while running or biking that has information that might be important to medical personnel if something unthinkable happens to me. (If it's not unthinkable to you, then stop reading this and go away!) The toughest part of ordering the RoadID was figuring out what to put on the last two lines - generally used for something motivational. Thinking about what I need to tell myself more often than anything else, I went with, "Yesterday, you said tomorrow!"

That got me thinking and wondering - what would you put there? If you had only two short lines to write the one thing that will motivate you most, what would it be?

Why race?

Tomorrow I am going to spend half the day standing in line a packet pickup and then attending a newcomers' orientation and bike inspection as I prepare for my first Duathlon on Sunday. This brings to mind the simple question - why race?

I wish I could say that it is because I have a chance to win, but that will never be the case. The most common answer for racers like me probably involves a discussion of competing against oneself to try and always improve upon the last race. Unfortunately I don't really care much about that either. So why do I race? For me the answer is simple and obvious - racing is FUN and MOTIVATING! Those of us at the back of the pack have so much more fun than the ones with a chance of winning an award. We chat and bond and have fun. A few years ago, I ran most of a race with a man in a tux and a woman in a bridal gown. They stopped around mile 5 of the 10K and got married. That was awesome! This past July, I ran behind the entire cast of the Wizard of Oz for a little while. They were passing out cards urging kids to stay in school. What a great experience! This spring I ran my first marathon. While I am ridiculously proud of having accomplished that, the bonding and chatting with other runners really is the reason why I did it (and will do it again).

So on Sunday I am doing my first Duathlon. A 2-mile run, then a 26-mile bike ride, and finishing with a 4-mile run. I am confident that I will have no trouble finishing. I am also confident that I will have no shot of winning any kind of award. Why am I doing it? Because it is going to be loads of fun, and I hope to meet some awesome people along the way! Then those bonds will pump me up to start preparing for my next challenge - my first Century ride in September! FUN and MOTIVATION - that's why I run, and come to think of it, that's why I teach as well!

Mirrors

My latest Facebook status is a quote from Seth Godin's blog. (You should check it out - he's got some very thought-provoking things to say:  http://sethgodin.typepad.com) It goes something like this:

"There are more mirrors available than ever. Sometimes, though, what's missing is the willingness to take a look."

Here's my take on it. We live in a world with potentially endless instant feedback. It's up to us to decide to make that a good thing. This is definitely an area with which I struggle. I've spent too much of my life happy with "good enough", and although I recognize that I need to work on that, it still is very hard for me to seek, or even just accept, honest constructive criticism. As a teacher, I have the luxury that a lot of my feedback comes from teenagers, so it is easy to discount the parts I don't like. I can always say that they don't understand, or that they are just angry that I'm going the "tough love" route.

When I was a Department Chair (a position I stepped down from this year, which resulted in my best teaching year in a decade!) I worked with several teachers who approached the mirrors their students held up to them from the opposite direction. 70 students would have very positive things to say in their teacher evaluations and 5 would be extremely negative (commonly called the "class assassins"). Those teachers would completely discount the 70 and focus only on the 5. Obviously that is not a healthy approach either.

Watching my wife's career as a research scientist, it is easy for me to realize that I would never survive in that profession. Without brutally honest critique and questioning, science cannot progress reliably. When a scientist presents her research at an academic conference, she has to be prepared for a relentless attack. If I were in that position, I would shrivel under the pressure. A successful scientist has to realize that the only goal that matters is uncovering scientific truth, and that without that kind of questioning, we will never find that truth. When my wife writes a paper to submit for publication, she seeks out the most brutal reviewers she can find to help her edit her work before submission. Because of that, she has a very high acceptance rate at some of the most respected journals in her field. Criticism just makes her work better, so she seeks it out, where I tend to shy away from it.

What is the difference between those of us who can look ourselves straight in the eye in all the various mirrors available to us and those of us who look the other way as we sneak past? How do you find the courage to really stop and take an honest look? I hope that, as long as I'm asking that question, there's still hope for me!

The Beauty of the Peloton

I love team sports. While an individual performance can be very impressive (think, Michael Phelps in the Olympics), it can never compare in my mind to a world-class team performance. Watching all the parts come together with everybody doing his or her job well to achieve a common goal is always more exciting, and more difficult, than one person having a great day. I would much rather watch Megan Rapinoe launch a 40 meter pass to Abby Wambach's perfectly timed header to tie up the game against Brazil than see Cristiano Ronaldo dribble through three players to take an individual shot. Unbeknownst to most Americans, the most interesting, strategic team sport out there is cycling.

I think most Americans understand that cyclists compete on a team, even though the race itself is really an individual race. But the teams themselves are fascinating. A pro cycling team will generally have a sprinter, a climber, a general classification contender, and a number of "domestiques" who are pretty good at everything and basically there to serve the specialists any way they can. The team director has to decide, based on the athletes available, what is the goal of the team and build the team accordingly. The BMC team in the Tour de France was clearly built around shepherding Cadel Evans to the Tour win. They seldom did the work at the front of the peloton, participated in few breakouts, and just carved a clear path for their main guy so that he could keep up on the portions of the race that are not his forte and then dominate in the final time trial. Leopard Trek took the second and third spots on the podium. They had a similar race, focusing completely on getting the Schleck brothers onto the podium at the end of the race. Unfortunately for them, they were not able to put enough distance between the Schlecks and Evans on the big climbs to overcome the advantage Evans would have on the time trial. I have to wonder what would have happened if they'd only had one GC contender and could focus on positioning him perfectly. Garmin Cervelo was all about the team. They won the team championship, but never really contended for the individual awards much. HTC Highroad was built around winning Cavendish the green jersey, and, although Garmin won the team championship, HTC probably did the best job of accomplishing their goals. They worked harder than any other team, and Cavendish graciously gave his teammates the credit they truly deserved.

What fascinates me most about watching cycling, though, is the organism known as the Peloton. The majority of the riders are part of this group, which is truly a living macro-organism. Watching the Peloton move together, constantly changing shape around physical obstacles, is absolutely beautiful. If you watch carefully, you can see teams riding together within the Peloton, protecting their GC contenders, dropping back to get water for the group, pushing the pace or blocking in order to achieve their team goals. I love to watch the temporary informal alliances among the different teams during the race as well. No other sport has so many teams trying to achieve the same goal at the same time. When a few riders break out in front of the group, the teams still in the Peloton work together to gradually pull them back in, sharing the workload up front. At the same time, the riders in the breakout group will work together as their own ad hoc team, taking terms pulling on the front and drafting off the other riders. No other sport has such a clear metaphor for life. We are constantly changing alliances, and often have to work together with "the enemy" to achieve our goals. Nobody can win a race like the Tour with a tremendous individual effort. As the day's finish line approaches, the group breaks back down into teams, and eventually the teams break down into their individual protected riders of the day sprinting for the finish. 

I have no doubt that the Tour de France is the most beautiful event in all of sports, and I can't wait for the Vuelta in August!

Politics Disgruntles Me

Most people who know me would say that I come down on the liberal side of most issues. I tend to read, watch, and listen to left-leaning media outlets. Anything I write needs to be read with that in mind. With that said, I can move on to the main point - what has gotten me disgruntled? Obviously the debt ceiling and the general economic approach of our federal government is a huge issue right now, but almost nobody seems interested in solving the problem. The Republicans in the House know that nothing can happen unless it goes through them, so they have a tremendous amount of power here. They also know that the American public will automatically blame any failure on the sitting President, so by blocking any progress and refusing to compromise, they can build public resentment against President Obama as the election year approaches. From my reading of the news, it definitely appears that the Republicans in the House are far more interested in making sure that the US fails so that voters will lean to the right in the next election than they are in actually solving this crisis. At the same time, President Obama knows that he is up against this brick wall and is trying his best to compromise and find some middle ground. What does he get for that? No return compromise from the other side, and his own party angry with him for compromising. As a pretty far left liberal, I would love for the President to be the guy I elected and work to accomplish the things he truly believes in, but I can respect his willingness to try and compromise. Something is better than nothing, as disappointing as it is.

The far right loves to talk about what the venerable Founding Fathers wanted, as if they were somehow able to anticipate every possible situation that might occur in the future. What would the Founding Fathers think of this desire by the controlling party in the House to make sure that the nation fails? Our system of checks and balances was designed with the faith that almost all elected officials would have the good of the country as their number one immediate goal. Now that gaining and maintaining power has become the main goal of a very large number of our elected officials, the system is breaking down. In the next few elections, can we PLEASE elect people who will work for the good of the country and the good of their constituents first? There are plenty of good people in all political parties who will make that their goal. Let's find them and put them in charge!

Go Zen, then!

Yes, I know I'm getting old, but tonight was a terrific night because nothing happened. This morning while the kids were at rock climbing practice, Deb and I both got in some exercise. Then we spent the afternoon with the kids - I played tennis with Mark and Deb took both kids to the pool. Tonight we made a healthy dinner, then worked in the garden for a while. Finally Layne made (with some help from Deb, but Layne was in charge) a blueberry pie, completely from scratch, using the blueberries we got at the farmers' market this morning. (And it was AWESOME!) At 9:30, we're still sitting on the back porch, enjoying the beautiful weather. Deb and the kids decide to head to bed and I say, "I feel like I should sit out here on the porch and write a blog post, but I don't know what to write about." Deb suggests writing about perfect camping weather. One quizzical look later and she says, "Just go Zen, then!"

So here's my current take on religion. I have had a pretty varied religious experience over the years, especially considering that I grew up in Lynchburg, VA, home of Jerry Falwell and the Moral Majority. I was baptized in the Catholic Church, grew up in a Presbyterian church, then attended chapel 3 times a week at my Episcopalian high school. In college I checked out all kinds of options without really settling on one. I helped to found the Presbyterian Student Fellowship while at the same time singing and playing guitar at Catholic Mass every week. In graduate school I found a Lutheran Church, where I started to really feel comfortable, and have later attended Christian Churches (Disciples of Christ - you know, that church in your town called "First Christian"), Lutheran Churches, and Episcopal Churches. As a teacher, I have also taught in different schools - Catholic, Jewish, and Episcopalian - with both good and bad experiences at each. (Although I have to admit, in my experience, Jews are pretty awesome!)

All of this leads me to a pretty muddled state of confusion in my adult life. I have tended to stick mostly to my Christian roots, and lean towards the Lutheran or Disciples of Christ traditions, but I've had enough experiences with other religions or denominations to believe that no single church can really have all the answers. Deb said, "Go Zen, then," because she knows that I am very attracted to the teachings of Buddhism. Zen Buddhism especially, looks at the writings and teachings of others as great sources of wisdom, but believes that the true goal of religion is to find the wisdom inside yourself. I have read many of the main scriptures of the world's great religions - the Bible (obviously including the Torah), the Koran, the Bhagavad Gita, many of the writings of the great Talmudic Scholars, and foundational documents in Tao and Shinto. When I read them, I can't help but notice all the similarities. The major tenets of all the world's religions truly are the same, they are simply expressed in different ways in different cultures. The one faith movement that really seems to recognize this is the Baha'i Faith, which believes in one God who has expressed Him or Herself through the voices of many prophets through the years, including Abraham, Moses, Jesus, and Mohammed. The Baha'i's believe that we can learn something from all of the world's religions and that it is important to understand and appreciate them all. What can be more beautiful, peaceful, and unifying than that?

Within the realm of Christianity, which is most comfortable for me based on my own cultural surroundings, I have really connected with a group called the "Emerging Church" especially through a particular scholar, Marcus Borg. Much of what he says would be considered heresy by more conservative Christians, but it makes a lot of sense to me. He recognizes that the Bible, along with all other religious documents, was written at a particular time under particular circumstances. When read in context, virtually everything in the Bible makes perfect sense. We don't live in that same context today, though, and it doesn't make sense to apply the literal statements of the Bible to our world. Instead we need to engage with them, discuss them, study them, and think about them in order to figure out how they apply to our lives today. Sounds like a much more vibrant religion that way, doesn't it? I believe, along with those of the Baha'i Faith, that the same can be said about all the other major religions. How could I possibly worship a God who is so simple and weak that He can only speak to people in one way? If there truly is a God, then wouldn't he or she be smart enough and powerful enough to address different people in different cultures in the way that will best resonate with them? Also, wouldn't He be more concerned with feeding the hungry and helping the downcast than with what color a minister wears on a particular Sunday or whether or not somebody has had a little water sprinkled on her head before she participates in Communion? We get so wrapped up in our differences that we don't see our similarities. If we could forget about those differences for a while and focus on working towards our common goals, the various churches of the world could solve so many problems. Zen is all about finding inner wisdom, but I don't believe you can find that inner wisdom without being compelled to help the world around you. That same idea can be found in the writings of C.S. Lewis, Muhammed, and Maimonides.

So if you're reading this looking for my answers to the fundamental questions of religion, you'll be disappointed. Is there a God? I don't know. Some days I'm convinced that there is, other days it makes no sense to me. Which religion has the correct route to Him if He exists? It depends. Which religion speaks to you most clearly? That one is the correct one for you even if it's not the correct one for me. Do you have to be religious to please God? On that one, I'm pretty certain of my answer of a resounding NO! The Bible teaches that we are all God's creation. If we do good things and live a life of compassion, then we are inherently bringing glory to God even if we don't believe in Him. Do we have to be perfect? There is not a single religion in the world the expects perfection! So if no religion has all the answers, what do I do now? I say, study them all. Look for the common themes. Trust you heart and your intuition. I hope you don't settle on one religion, because they all offer wisdom in different forms. In the end, if none of them really connects with you just the right way, then live the best life you can and trust that every religion also teaches that God is inherently Good and loves us. He will not turn his back on a good person, even if that person did not communicate with Him the way that his or her surrounding society said was the right way.

Stereotype Threat

The faculty summer reading book at my school is "whistling vivaldi" by Claude M. Steele. I started it today and have read only the introduction, but already I'm hooked. The book is about how stereotypes affect our performance. It takes a little different approach though, by looking at what they call "stereotype threat" - the extra pressure people feel when they are in a situation in which they know their actions might confirm a stereotype. This is important to us as teachers, because no matter how fair and balanced we might feel that we are, we need to recognize that students feel this stereotype threat even when the stereotypes are not being actively enforced. A girl in my math class may feel the pressure of knowing that, if she messes up, it will just confirm the stereotype that girls are not good at math, like in this cartoon from xkcd.com:

The introduction to the book claims that the author will propose concrete ways to combat the effects of this stereotype threat, so I am hopeful that I'll have something more useful to post soon. The research that Steele mentions in the introduction is compelling. The study that prompted this book involved minigolf of all things. College students were asked to complete a minigolf course. Some students were just asked to play the course. Another group of students was told that the course was part of a test of Natural Athletic Ability. A third group of students was told that the course was part of a test of Intellectual Strategic Ability. Compared to the control group, white students' scores were several strokes worse when told that it was a test of athletic ability, while the negative effect on black students' scores was even worse when they were told it was a test of intellectual ability. There was no difference in the scores between the control group and either the white students in the intellectual task or the black students in the athletic task. There were no extra obstacles. Nobody told the black students they wouldn't do as well on the intellectual task, and nobody told the white students they wouldn't do as well on the athletic task. The difference seems to be that the white students put pressure on themselves not to mess up the athletic task and the black students put pressure on themselves not to mess up the intellectual task because they didn't want to confirm negative stereotypes. That's tremendous pressure to believe that your mistakes will reflect on your entire group! It's important that we teachers realize that being unbiased (as if that's humanly possible) is not enough. We need to actively fight these stereotypes if we are ever going to defeat them. Ignoring the problem won't make it go away!

Reliving the Past for the First Time

This has been a tough week. I feel kind of bad saying that, because it's been a much tougher week for other people, even in the situation I'm thinking about right now, but it was tough for me too in a different way. I've made references on Facebook to being at the hospital with a student. With medical privacy laws, it's hard to know what I can say here, but hopefully since there's nothing here identifying the particular student, this will be okay. If not, well, I don't think any of my three followers will turn me in to anybody.

The student went to the hospital with internal bleeding. He felt terrible, was completely exhausted, and started excreting blood in the way you can probably imagine. To make a long story short, he almost didn't survive Friday night/Saturday morning, but on Saturday, after several failed attempts, they were able to fix the problem. (He's not out of the woods yet, but things are looking good.) I spent many hours with him in the hospital because his family was out of the country and it took them a while to get here. This was hard because he's a terrific young man, and no 16-year-old should have to go through this kind of experience, but there is more to it than that. The more I talked to his doctors about the problem or looked at the endoscopic pictures of the problem site and the fix, the more I came to realize that this problem is exactly what took my father 30 years ago this July. The last time I heard an explanation of what happened to my Dad was when I was 9 years old, and I have never fully understood it, but everything began to make sense as I listened to the explanations of what was wrong with my student. In 1981 we didn't have the ability to send a fiber optic camera down somebody's throat to identify and then fix such a problem, and I am so thankful that we do now. I have to wonder, though, if my Dad could have been saved the same way my student was. As we approach both Father's Day and the 30th anniversary of my father's death, I can't help but dwell on these thoughts more than usual. Mourning never ends, but I am thankful for all the advances we have made, and for the unsung heroes who toil all their lives in obscure laboratories making scientific advances that eventually become things they never dreamed of, like fiber optic cameras which can be threaded through a patient's mouth and into their intestines, eventually saving the lives of terrific people who deserve so many more years, like my student and my Dad. I respect those unsung heroes so much that I married one of them!

A Classic in Honor of Memorial Day Weekend - "The Final Inspection"

Memorial Day is an ironic holiday. It is the unofficial kickoff of summer and a time when everybody has a big party and rejoices. At the same time, it seems like it ought to be a solemn remembrance of those who gave their lives (and that doesn't just mean those who died!) to the protection of our freedom. While those seem to be two difficult things to do at the same time, in a lot of ways, I think it's appropriate that this weekend be a celebration of exactly those freedoms our military has given so much to defend. I've always liked this classic poem by Sgt. Joshua Helterbran honoring the sacrifices made by our servicemen, servicewomen, AND their families:

THE FINAL INSPECTION 

The soldier stood and faced God, 
Which must always come to pass. 
He hoped his shoes were shining, 
Just as brightly as his brass. 

"Step forward now, you soldier, 
How shall I deal with you? 
Have you always turned the other cheek? 
To My Church have you been true?" 

The soldier squared his shoulders and said, 
"No, Lord, I guess I ain't. 
Because those of us who carry guns, 
Can't always be a saint. 

I've had to work most Sundays, 
And at times my talk was tough. 
And sometimes I've been violent, 
Because the world is awfully rough. 

But, I never took a penny, 
That wasn't mine to keep... 
Though I worked a lot of overtime, 
When the bills got just too steep. 

And I never passed a cry for help, 
Though at times I shook with fear. 
And sometimes, God, forgive me, 
I've wept unmanly tears. 

I know I don't deserve a place, 
Among the people here. 
They never wanted me around, 
Except to calm their fears. 

If you've a place for me here, Lord, 
It needn't be so grand. 
I never expected or had too much, 
But if you don't, I'll understand. 

There was a silence all around the throne, 
Where the saints had often trod. 
As the soldier waited quietly, 
For the judgment of his God. 

"Step forward now, you soldier, 
You've borne your burdens well. 
Walk peacefully on Heaven's streets, 
You've done your time in Hell." 

-      Sgt. Joshua Helterbran

Nothing thoughtful or challenging here

Usually I like to delude myself into thinking that this blog will cause me to think a little more deeply about things I'm confronting in my life; that is simply not the case here. The entire point of this blog is that it was a great day, and maybe if I record that here, I can come back and read it sometime when it is not such a great day.


This weekend has been looming for a while now because it is SO busy. One thing I've been fighting about myself the past couple of years is that I would often rather be bored than busy. That is not the person I was when I was younger, and is not really the person I want to be today, but that's the way it often is. Yesterday was a big day with Mark's choral concert midday (he was incredible!), a meeting with my Headmaster about a statistics project he asked me to do, and finally Layne's birthday sleepover last night. This morning, Mark had a soccer game at 9:00, both kids had rock climbing practice at 10:00 (we ended up skipping that), then we hosted a baby shower for our kids' favorite teacher this afternoon. Meanwhile, my school made the state championship game for boys' lacrosse, and we were hosting that game here on our home field.

I dread this kind of busy day, but it turned out to be a terrific day. The soccer team played really well. The shower went great, and the cake Layne made was awesome! We won the state championship in lacrosse, and I even had time to take Mark to watch part of the game. In the end, we still had time for a relaxed dinner on the back porch and card playing late into the evening with the family. Tomorrow we start with Bike DC, when several of the major streets of Washington are closed to cars and only open to bikes, then another soccer game and a soccer party. It will be another busy day, but another awesome day too. Usually it's the negative things in life that really make you think about what's important to you, but a day like today does the same thing. Today was all about family, friends, and going out of the way to let our kids' teacher know that she is loved and appreciated. How could any other day make you think more about what's important in life? In the words of the great Scott Trufant (and beer ads from the '90s) - Guys, it just doesn't get any better than this!

Safety First

This may be a little reminiscent of my "It Gets Better" post a few days ago, but a blog is the most self-indulgent form of writing this side of a diary, so I'll go with it! I had a long conversation with somebody tonight about some pretty serious issues that person is dealing with. I definitely will not go into any detail in this kind of public forum, but it really got me thinking about how important a basic feeling of safety is. You can have every advantage in the world - plenty of money, a nice home, a good education, the luxury of travel and amazing life experiences, but none of that compares to feeling safe. And by "safe" I don't mean never experiencing danger or taking risks. On the contrary, a true feeling of safety gives you the confidence to take some risks and to push yourself. It's a lot easier to step into your "challenge zone" when you know you have a "comfort zone" to return to. Without that comfort zone, everything collapses down to the point where all that is left is the "panic zone". (Yes I stole that terminology from Outward Bound, who probably stole it from somewhere else.) The lasting damage done by bullies and abusers is not the immediate physical damage, but it is the destruction of the comfort zone to the point where the victim has lost all sense of safety. What's even scarier is that the safety zone can be eroded by an accumulation of much smaller things just as easily, even when everybody around you means the best. Sometimes it is just a matter of perception, but especially to your subconscious, perception is often more real and powerful than reality.

Where do you feel safest? More importantly, how do you help make sure the people in your life have a place where they feel safe as well?

Honor

I attended a boarding school that was very proud of its Honor Code, and currently teach at another boarding school that is also very proud of its Honor Code. Thinking about the two experiences, I am amazed at how much my view of "Honor" has changed over the years. When I was in high school, honor was simple. You don't lie, steal, or cheat. Why? As much as we all said that we didn't do those things because they were "wrong", the real motivation was because we could get kicked out of school for doing them. For the vast majority of us, a true concept of honor as an internal code of ethics came much later, if at all.

In my current teaching position, I have had the privilege of serving on the school's Honor Committee for three years (faculty usually only serve for 2 years, but I got to stay on for three because of external issues). At my school, the Honor Committee is intended to be an educational body first. Our charge when hearing a case was to determine if a student would be able to learn from his or her mistakes, and with the help of the Honor Committee, be able to finish their time at the school as a full believer and participant in the Honor Code. That emphasis on education rather than punishment is a HUGE issue when hearing cases, and was often the deciding matter when it came to the final decision of whether or not we asked a student to leave the school.

I grew up in the South, where Honor is a big buzzword and everybody believes they understand what it means. While serving on the Honor Committee, I learned so much more about the nuances of Honor. I learned that, in many cultures, Honor is defined by how your actions reflect on the family. For a child raised in those cultures, it is a far bigger honor violation to do poorly on a test and to make your family look bad than it is to cheat on that test and receive a high grade you didn't really earn. In many cultures, Honor is defined by how you respond to insults to yourself or your family. "An eye for an eye" is a kind of Honor for many people.

I have my own definition of Honor, and it has very little to do with any written rules or standardized moral code. It is my own. We claim as a school that our goal is for students to develop that kind of individual internal sense of Honor, but what if that sense disagrees with mine? Hopefully we all will end up agreeing on the most important points, and can live our own individual codes without interfering with others' codes, but there will always be some kind of conflict.

What does the word "Honor" mean to you? Is it a simple set of rules? Is it a nebulous concept that is too ill-defined to have any meaning in your day-to-day life? Where did it come from? Is it really yours? I have a vivid memory from my freshman year in college of sitting in Krispy Kreme at about 3 AM after having been kidnapped by the brothers of the fraternity I was pledging. One of the brothers asked me about my religious views, and I gave him my pat answer. He responded with, "No - I didn't ask what your parents believe and what the church they took you to all your life believed. I want to know what YOU believe!" I want to turn that same question to you regarding your concept of Honor. I don't want to know what your school or your parents or your church taught. How do YOU define Honor? And looking back at your daily life, how is that definition reflected in your day-to-day actions?

Yes - This IS about reality TV!

Reality TV gets a bad rap. Obviously it is not really reality, so those arguments don't hold any weight with me. Art? No, of course not. But, really - what was the last thing you watched on TV that could really be considered art? Good television is not about art. There are two ways that a show should be considered good television - if it is entertaining, and if it makes you think. Having just watched the final chapter of this season's "Survivor" I have to say that it comes out on top of BOTH of those categories. Suspense, great characters, moral dilemmas, action, tough decisions, confrontation, religion, love. What else could you possibly want from television? If you're not getting what you're looking for from Survivor, then you should turn off your TV and read a good book instead. You should probably do that anyway, and I'm happy to suggest a few good books if you're not sure what to read. This post is about Survivor, though.

SPOILER ALERT!!!!!!! STOP READING IF YOU HAVEN"T WATCHED THE FINALE AND ACTUALLY CARE ABOUT WHAT HAPPENED!!!!!!

I just watched Rob Mariano win Survivor. That's "Boston Rob" to those of your who are more comfortable thinking of him strictly as a character on a TV show rather than as a husband, father, and full, three-dimensional man. As Jeff Probst and David said, he just finished playing the best game of Survivor ever played. He was a hard worker in camp, a serious competitor in challenges, and a great friend. One of the toughest aspects of the game is that you can never make it to the end without betraying some friends and alliances, but Rob was able to do so without completely alienating the people he played with. You could easily base college courses in psychology on this game, and especially on Rob's play this season. I think Andrea pointed out one of the most important aspects of his game play. He consistently checked in with each person individually to see how they were doing, what they were thinking, and who was approaching them with other ideas. Rob made everybody feel important as an individual. That may have lost him some friends at the end of the game, but after more than 20 seasons, people should know what they are signing onto when they apply for Survivor. I can't get past that idea of making everybody feel important as an individual, though. Isn't that what we're all searching for in life? As a teacher, I want my students all to feel that they are important to me as individuals. This year I toughened up with my BC Calculus class. I pushed them harder than I ever have, and I lost several along the way. The goal was to get all students into the most appropriate class. Every year some students take BC Calculus when it really is not the best course for them for any of a large number of reasons. In the end, they don't do well on the exam and end up having to start from scratch in college. This year, I took the tough love approach and tried to get a few kids to drop down to AB Calculus. It is still an Advanced Placement course, and they are still eligible for college credit, but not for as much as if they had stayed in BC. The goal was for kids that could be successful in AB but not in BC to take the appropriate course and do well rather than to struggle in an inappropriate course. One negative result was that I got nailed on my teacher evaluations this year on the questions about how the teacher shows that he cares about your success. I believe I showed that I cared about their success by being so hard on them that they dropped down to an appropriate course where they could succeed, but of course, they aren't going to see it that way. In the end, I didn't make them feel important as individuals, and they nailed me for it on me teacher evals. I stand by how I handled them and still believe that I actually was considering what was best for them as individuals, but teachers, just like parents, often have to wait decades for their kids to understand why they did what they did.

Rob Mariano, however, made everybody feel important. Even when he got people voted out of the game, he made them understand that they had to go because they were too much of a threat. The most interesting part of Survivor is that dynamic of having to vote people out of the game while still getting them to vote for you to win in the end, and Rob mastered it this season. 

This season was interesting because of other characters besides Rob though. Matt was a star. As much as I am a HUGE Rob fan, I was disappointed that Matt didn't win the fan favorite vote. This kid gets voted out of the game early on and has to spend almost a month on Redemption Island. For a lot of that time he was completely alone, trying to survive in the wilderness without even anybody to talk to. In my life, I have had a couple of times when I have spent a night where I felt completely alone in the wilderness, and it is ROUGH. Two of those occurred when I spent a summer in Germany when I was 19 years old, not much younger than Matt. My first night there, all the youth hostels in Berlin were full and I had to find a place to sleep after 36 hours awake. I ended up spending half the night asleep in the stairwell of a rundown apartment building waiting for the brother of the wife of the son of a friend of my mother's to get home so that I could beg him to let me sleep on his floor. (BTW He immediately agreed, but only if I would go down to the corner pub and have a beer with him first. Thanks for being a terrific host, Johannes!) The second night was in Hanover, when I was nearly out of money and ended up sleeping in a field behind an overfull youth hostel. Those nights were terrifying and life-changing. I have so much respect for Matt getting through such a long time on his own on Redemption Island! The Survivor message boards are very divided on Matt. He is an extremely religious young man who credits his longevity on the show to his faith. Many call him naive or misled. I'm not sure where I come down on that, but I really don't think it matters. He is a terrific young man with his heart in the right place. His Christian faith is what led him to that place. Is that faith misplaced? Who cares! It has resulted in his being a strong, caring man and that is what really matters. He inspired a lot of people with his strength on the show and has helped a lot of people grow stronger and more confident in their faiths. We all need to draw strength from somewhere. For some it is from religion, for some from family, and some from our own internal confidence. I don't care if that strength comes from Christianity, Judaism, Islam, Buddhism, Tao, Hinduism, or Wicca. If it leads you to have enough confidence in yourself to get through extremely difficult challenges AND if it leads you to put others before yourself (which ALL major religions and most minor religions do) then you are on the right track. Much respect to Matt for the way he played this game! I hope I can be as strong and as selfless as he was when I face the challenges that lie ahead in my life!

It Gets Better

I just watched the add for Google Chrome featuring Dan Savage's It Gets Better Project. I've seen this add many times now, but I stop and watch every time. I am so impressed by Google that their add barely even mentions Google Chrome, but instead focuses on this great website that you can visit using Chrome. If you haven't figured it out yet, this blog has become my medium for hashing through things on which I'm torn in different directions, and the It Gets Better project is one of them. When I watch the add or go on the website and watch the videos, I am encouraged by all the support expressed there for teens that are struggling with their identities, but at the same time, I am so saddened by the fact that this website needs to exist.

So many of us have felt or seen the effects of bullying. I was an intelligent, overly sensitive teenager who was not so great at sports even though I LOVED them. I've definitely felt the effects of bullying. I can completely identify with teens who feel like it will never get better and that they will be miserable all their lives. Now I am an intelligent, overly sensitive adult who is not so great at sports even though I LOVE them. Even today, I can still feel some of those pangs of nervousness and inferiority when I am in the company of more traditional "alpha males." No, there is no bullying of any sort, and my feelings of inferiority are completely self-generated, but it's hard to break habits and mindsets that were burned in through teenage trauma.

This lasting feeling is what saddens me when I watch the "It Gets Better" videos. Yes - it definitely gets better, although there will always be closed-minded people. I struggle, though, with the fatalism implied in that message. It gets better. That seems to imply that there's nothing we can do about the present. Dear bullied teenager - I'm sorry life is terrible right now, but there's nothing you can do but just wait it out - it will eventually get better. I know that is not, in any way, the message that Dan Savage wants to send, and his project is doing a lot to raise awareness and start the conversation that will hopefully lead to improved lives for teenagers who differ from their area's mainstream, but I can't help hearing that message myself. What can we do to take the message a step farther and say not only "it gets better" but also "we're going to make it better right now!"? As a parent and a teacher I hope that I am helping teenagers learn to love themselves for who they are and to stand up proudly as individuals, even if they are different from most people around them. All of my effort goes toward supporting the victims, though, just like the It Gets Better project. What can I do to change the bullies to make that support unnecessary? I think that is the next step in the process, but I don't know how to go about it. What do you think?

http://www.itgetsbetter.org/blog/entry/google-launches-ad-featuring-the-it-gets-better-project-during-tonights-epi/

Darwinian Philanthropy

A couple of years ago, my daughter realized that most of the presents that one receives at a birthday party are forgotten and thrown out within months. She very quickly got on board with the idea of asking for donations to a charity in lieu of presents. (Yes, we were very proud!) For the past few years she has collected donations for the local animal shelter on her birthday. The idea has caught on with several of her friends (not just because of my daughter, but I hope she influenced them some), all of whom have collected donations for the animal shelter. Almost every project the neighborhood kids have dreamed up over the last few years has benefited the animal shelter. This year, as her birthday was approaching, my daughter confirmed that she wanted to collect donations again. When we asked if she wanted them to go to the animal shelter, she replied that, although the animal shelter was great, she wasn't sure that was what she wanted to do. Everybody around her always donated to the animal shelter, but weren't there people who needed help too? She asked, "Isn't there a place you guys donate too that helps feed the homeless and helps them find jobs so that they won't need help anymore too?" First of all - yes, children do pay attention to what their parents do even when you don't think they're watching. Second - how about that thought process from an almost-13-year-old?! She doesn't just want to help people, but she wants to help them reach a point where they don't need help any more. Yep - proud dad here!

If you've read these blog posts over the last couple of weeks, you already know that I think my daughter is one of the most awesome people in existence, but that's not really the point here. Rather, I've been thinking lately about that decision of helping humans instead of animals. (Yes, I know humans are animals - that's beside the point here. If you want to start a biology argument, I promise I have back-up that will take you down!) I support my daughter's decision to help people 100%, but I can definitely understand arguments on the other side. A stray dog or a feral cat is pretty much helpless in a world not built for them. Don't people have a lot more of an opportunity to pull themselves out of the bad situations they're in? While a human can understand the need to seek out a shelter for a hot meal or a safe bed, an animal can never understand that opportunity. I can definitely see the logic behind those arguments which cause people to oppose welfare and guaranteed health care and similar programs, although I disagree with those arguments vehemently!

On the other side, however, I have had many opportunities to interact with the people that these programs are trying to help. Unfortunately I have allowed myself to get so wrapped up in the minor issues of my pretty cushy life, that I have not spent much time working directly with the hungry and homeless as an adult as I did when I was younger, but those experiences are still very real to me. In high school I worked at a wood lot where we chopped and delivered firewood to people that could not afford to heat their homes. The best parts of that experience were the weekly deliveries to the people in need. They were amazing people who worked so much harder than I did every day, and they still needed help just to get by. In college, I spent many nights working at a local homeless shelter. With hours of unstructured time hanging out with the guests at the shelter, I got to know several of them pretty well. The one thing I came to realize more than anything else was that there is no "typical" homeless person. Everybody had a different story. Many were well-educated. Most had gone through situations that were completely beyond their control which helped to land them in their current predicament (kind of like the stray animals above). Almost all were working hard to find a way out of poverty and hunger.

So who deserves our help more? Humans or other animals? Do you choose humans because we should help our own species first, or because they are capable of understanding their situations and suffer psychologically as well as physically? Do you choose animals because they have no way of helping themselves? We haven't even touched on the question about helping animals that aren't cute and furry! I am sure that we do not all agree on the answers to these questions, and I hope that we never do. As long as we disagree, we will hopefully continue striving to help every creature that needs our assistance. Who knows? Someday I may be the one needing help, and hopefully one of the children from a family for whom I chopped wood years ago will be in a position to help me.

What, are you blind?!?!

My 9-year-old son has been playing in the local recreational soccer league since the spring before he started Kindergarten. I was his head coach for several years, and am now an assistant coach. For a couple of seasons in the middle, my wife and I were the league coordinators, so we heard a lot about everything happening in the league. While soccer has been an almost completely positive experience, it seems like there are some parents every year who just don't get it. When we were coordinators, we had to deal with a situation where a parent screamed at and threatened a child on the other team - a 7-YEAR-OLD child. One coach physically shoved my wife because he decided she was standing too close to the field. (Note that I have several times had to ask parents to move their chairs because they had actually set them up ON the field, and my wife was helping to coach and standing about a foot out of bounds where coaches usually stand.) That same coach created such an intense atmosphere for his kids that they had to end a game early because his 8-year-olds got in a fistfight with the other team. Just this week, we all got a reminder e-mail from the Association director that it is inappropriate for parents to make negative comments to players or parents from the other team during games. Having worked closely with the Association office as coordinator, I know those e-mails do not come without some incident provoking them.

So my question is - WHO DOES THIS? These are kids in a recreational league. There is a parallel league which is much more serious and competitive if you really have to get that intense. I think the question we all need to ask ourselves is - what is the point of youth sports? Sports are a great way for kids to get exercise, to learn to work as a team, to learn to subordinate their own desires and glory in favor of the needs of the group, and to learn how to win and lose gracefully. Sure, it's fun to win games, but at this level, that is the LEAST important part of sports. At a US Soccer coaching course a few years ago, we talked about this issue, and the coach teaching the course made a great suggestion. When talking to a child about the game they just played in, never ask, "Did you win?" At least don't ask it as the first question. It's great advice. The next time you see a child after a game, ask "How was your game? Did you have fun? Did you play hard?" It's easy to come up with questions about the game that don't focus on winning and help the child to think about more important aspects of the game. I guarantee you'll find out the score very quickly without having to ask, and the child will know that you care about something other than winning and losing.

In the words of the immortal John Walker - It's criminal that they should pay me for this!

Just like everybody else, I occasionally find myself wondering why in the world I do the job I do. Especially during weeks like this when I am looking at four nights of dorm duty in a row, from Thursday through Sunday, after spending all of this evening in my classroom. Whenever I'm wondering why I do this, I always have a moment that makes me think, "Oh yeah! Now I remember!" One of those moments happened tonight.

With the AP Calculus exam tomorrow, I spent the evening, from 8:00 to 10:15 working with students in my classroom. These kids were really getting it tonight and were making connections that I didn't think they would be able to make when we started the year. They were eager, interested, and working hard, and it was a lot of fun. After putting all of my things together so that I could come home and prepare for tomorrow, I walked over to the faculty lounge in the next building to check my mail. On the way there, I found a group of 7 or 8 students lying on the floor of the main administration building discussing stories and essays written by their peers. When I got into the faculty room, I found another group of students on the couches, discussing poetry written by their peers. "What statement does this poem make?" "It's very difficult to write rhyming poetry without it sounding like a nursery rhyme, but she did a really good job of making it flow and rhyme without being distracting or condescending." I had a good discussion today with a 9th grader about the Honor Code and developing a sense of personal honor. After I finish my class prep for tomorrow, I am then going to help judge the submissions in the library's haiku contest. On Saturday night, I get to attend the school Music Assembly - completely student organized and presented, not for any kind of grade, but just for the fun of performing. It's a highlight of the spring every year. Why do I do this job? The answer is E) All of the above.

Bin Laden Confusion

Obviously the big news of the last 24 hours is that US forces in Pakistan ended Osama Bin Laden's reign at the top of the terror network constantly aimed at the US. I am in awe at the skill of the troops who carried out that mission, achieving the top goal of US military and intelligence for the last decade with a surgical strike resulting in no American injuries and almost no collateral damage. They are heroes and should be recognized as such.

At the same time, I am conflicted in my own emotions. While watching the coverage on TV last night, at first I considered heading into Washington to join the crowd in front of the White House just to be a part of it. The feeling of losing oneself in the excitement of a crowd is Awesome! (The capital A was an accidental typo, but I decided that it was appropriate and left it.) I have experienced that feeling several times. The first was in Muenster, Germany in 1990 when Germany won the soccer world cup. Definitely the best party I have ever been a part of! I have also had that feeling while storming the court after a big victory over the Tarheels while I was a student at Wake Forest. We beat Duke 5 times while I was there, but UNC only once. The most recent time I felt carried away by the crowd was at Barack Obama's Inauguration, a feeling of joy and hope that will carry me for years. The crowd in front of the White House was obviously in the grips of that amazing group feeling. What kept me from going in to join the crowd and being part of this historic event was the nagging thought in the back of my mind that all these people were rejoicing and celebrating that a man was shot in the eye and killed violently. Was that something I really wanted to be a part of?

This question is at the heart of the difference between justice and grace. There can be no question that Justice was served last night. Osama Bin Laden deserved nothing less than a violent and painful death. Where does grace fit into the picture, though? Isn't the entire point that we are right and he is wrong because we don't believe in causing the violent and painful death of other human beings? My initial reaction to the "burial at sea" of the body within 24 hours was disbelief at the stupidity of the move, leaving the door open for doubters to claim that it was not really Bin Laden. However, after learning that Islam requires the disposal of the body within 24 hours (I assume there is much more to it than that, but have not had a chance to learn what), I understand that this was actually Barack Obama and the US military showing us that they are just as adept at grace as they are at justice. Even with an undeniably evil terrorist who was the number one enemy of our nation, we showed the grace to treat the body as it should have been treated under the religion Bin Laden so terribly misinterpreted. Yes, this was a calculated move to maintain the allegiance and good will of Muslim nations, but it was also an example of grace that was unnecessary but good.

This post was entitled "Confusion" because that is exactly what I feel - not judgement, not satisfaction, not elation, not relief. I fully understand and sympathize with the feelings of those who were celebrating in front of the White House last night. I fortunately cannot in any way imagine how those who lost loved ones on 9/11 feel about yesterday's events, but I am ready to support them, however they feel. I just cannot, myself, rejoice in the death of another person, no matter how evil he is. In my eyes all killing is evil, but sometimes it is a necessary evil. If forced to take a stand, I will say that this one was a necessary evil, but a part of me cannot help being sad that we have created a world where that can possibly be true.

Preparing students for the real world

In schools we often talk about "the real world." I have to admit before I go any further that I have very little experience in the real world. I grew up living on a school campus, attended several elite institutions of higher learning, and have been a teacher most of my adult life. The academic world is my home and I have little desire to experience the "real world". Because of that, most of what I will say here is pure speculation.

When talking about accommodations made for students with identified learning disabilities, detractors often point out that there will be no accommodations once they enter the real world after graduation. At the same time, however, people who need such accommodations are unlikely to choose a career requiring them to use those skills and abilities that cause them trouble. In school, we are forced to take all the subjects and cannot pick and choose courses which suit our strengths. I actually think that's a good thing, because we need to be forced out of our comfort zones. If we never explore, we will never uncover our hidden strengths and passions. I don't, however, think it is a good basis for an argument that we shouldn't make accommodations which allow all students to do the best they can.

My AP Calculus students will be taking their big exam on Wednesday. They will sit in a big, silent room, separated by the requisite 5 feet. Some of the time they will be allowed to use calculators, some of the time only scrap paper. At the end of each section of the exam, they will hear those famous words, "Put your pencil down." How is this preparing them for the real world? The real world is all about collaboration and communication. My wife is a research scientist, something to which many AP Calculus students aspire. There is no such thing as a single-author paper in science any more. All science is done collaboratively. I suspect the same is true of most disciplines. In her 20 years of research, my wife has never sat silently in a room, bubbling in the results of her research on a computerized answer sheet. Instead she writes papers and presents her research verbally to other scientists. The real world is about communication.

The issue that has been on my mind the most this year is the idea of time limits. Schools love time limits. A test must be finished during the 45 minute class period or you get no credit for the problems you didn't finish. Students with a demonstrated need get an extra 50% time. (Why 50%?) What is the point of these time limits? A friend of mine who is an author talks about evaluating every scene and asking, "How does this advance the story or the characters? Does it have a purpose?" Shouldn't we do the same thing with education? How does finishing a test in 45 minutes advance education? What purpose does it serve? We seem to like to use the "real world" standard a lot when evaluating education. When was the last time your boss gave you a time limit on anything? Most jobs involve deadlines, not time limits, and those are very different things. If your boss tells you that you need to accomplish a task by the end of the day on Friday, she doesn't care how much time it takes you. If you want to work late all week or come in early and take lots of extra time to do the job well, you'll probably be commended for your dedication rather than told that you are not good enough. Why would we hold students who are just learning something for the first time to specific time limits when professionals who have been performing similar tasks for decades get deadlines instead?

Similarly, when was the last time your boss gave you a task and told you that you cannot use the technology tools available that would make your job more efficient and more accurate? Yes, as a math teacher, I think it is important for students to understand what is going on mathematically rather than just typing things into a calculator and trusting the answer. Any good math teacher, however, can find questions and tasks which require a student to show true understanding without being able to use technology as a crutch. Again, in your job, if you figure out a way to use technology that is already available in the office to do your job better and faster, you will probably get a commendation rather than being accused of cheating.

School is not the real world and it shouldn't be. Students make mistakes all the time that would get them fired in most workplaces, and school needs to be a safe place to make those mistakes and learn from them. Maybe there is value to some of these "sacred cows" of education, but if so, I think we, as educators, have a responsibility to clarify what that value is. The "preparing kids for the real world" argument just doesn't hold water.

Am I a hypocrite?

I had a very strange experience this week. I attended a private boarding school in high school. My mother taught there, so I got to go for free. I had a small group of friends at the school that I hung out with around school. As day students, we were allowed to go out to lunch if we had enough "merit points," and David, Derek, Mike, and I frequently went out to eat together. Those three were definitely my best friends at school. Outside of school hours, though, I spent all of my time with friends from the local public schools. Because of that strange dichotomy of friend groups, I have ended up not keeping up with my school friends much since graduation. I am Facebook friends with three or four, although a few of those wouldn't have given me the time of day in high school. The strange thing is that I have no contact at all with David, Derek, or Mike - my best friends from school.

Reading through the school alumni magazine this week, I found a story that Mike had been murdered in an incident of gang violence. (He was an innocent victim.) The good news is that, after some internet investigation, it looks like the Mike who was murdered was actually a different person with the same name as my friend. The person in charge of that section of the alumni magazine is working on figuring out the truth, and I know he will find it. He is an old friend, one of the most important mentors of my life, and one of the smartest people I know, so I am confident that he will find the truth if it is there to find. All of that is not really my concern here, though. The point of this post is my emotional roller coaster over the last couple of days. When I first read the story, I was stunned. Such a tragedy happening to an old friend was shocking and very upsetting. When I figured out that it looked like the story was a case of mistaken identity, I was relieved, but also angry about the emotional stress I had gone through since reading the story. That is when the word "hypocrite" started to haunt the back of my mind. Since he graduated in 1988, I have made no attempt at getting in touch with Mike other than searching for him on Facebook (unsuccessfully). Now, 23 years later, I feel like I've had my emotions abused because I thought I'd lost him. If I really cared that much, why have I not made a greater effort to get in touch with him? Was he actually not that important to me? In that case, I am a hypocrite for being upset that I was led to believe he'd been killed. Was he really that important to me and I had a right to be upset? In that case, I am a hypocrite for complaining that the alumni magazine did not make a greater effort to check their facts when I have barely made an effort to keep in touch with such an important old friend. Yesterday I felt like the alumni magazine should be embarrassed for publishing that story without knowing the full truth, but today I realize that the embarrassment is actually mine for my reaction.

Is there a lesson here? Lots of them, actually. First, if somebody is important to you, keep in touch and let him or her know. Second - if you don't make an effort, then you forfeit any right to complain about the effort of others. That applies in almost every aspect of life. Finally, remember that almost everybody you encounter in life is trying hard to do their best. People make mistakes, but almost all of them are honest  mistakes. I talk to my kids a lot during sibling squabbles about assuming that the other is actually a nice person rather than interpreting every action as evil or inept. I think we all can use a little reminder of that sometimes. We have a habit of associating the actions of the most extreme of a group of people with the whole group, whether it is 9/11 bombings with Muslims or bigoted comments with a specific political group. In my experience, almost all Muslims are good people, as are almost all Christians, Jews, Buddhists, and atheists. Almost all homosexuals are looking for stable, monogamous, long-term relationships, as are almost all heterosexuals. Almost all Republicans and almost all Democrats are generally good people who want the best for this country, but disagree on what that means or how it should be achieved. I think the world would be a much better place if we look at each other as always having the best motives and always making our best efforts. Sometimes we'll get burned, but most of the time we won't. I forgot to assume the best this week. Does that mean I am a hypocrite? I hope not. Instead I think it makes me human.

Aging is awesome!

Everyone is so afraid of getting older. Once we get past 21, we dread birthdays, we lie about our age, and we spend lots of money to appear younger than we are. Why is that? Age = experience, and there is nothing that can make us more interesting and attractive than experience. Age also results in our knowing and understanding ourselves more, and pursuing the things we find important. When I was younger, I was AMBITIOUS! I wanted power. I knew that private schools, and especially boarding schools, were the playing field on which I would make my career, and I was going to be a Headmaster. Why? Because I was young and ambitious. As I aged, I came to realize more and more that being a Headmaster meant putting aside everything else in your life to focus on that one goal. How awful! When I turned 38, I stepped down as the chair of my department because power was no longer my number one goal. Instead of being powerful, I want to make a difference in the lives of my own particular students. Although this has been a very difficult year in a lot of ways (I am teaching one class more than a full load, with four totally different classes when 2 is the norm, and new textbooks in all four classes) it has also been my most enjoyable year in a long time. For the first time in almost a decade, I get to focus on my own kids and what they need, not on what the department needs. I am finally able to recognize what I want out of my professional life and focus on that. I've never been so satisfied with my work!

One of the other benefits of aging is that my children are aging too. I can go on for pages about my son - my running buddy and soccer star, but right now I'm thinking about my daughter - the older child. She's about to become a teenager and is old enough now to share a lot of my interests. We read the same books and talk about them. She now watches "How I Met Your Mother" with me and marvels at Barney's Awesomnity (Layne's word). She laughs when I text her funny pictures on her cell phone. How can aging be bad when it is turning my daughter into my best friend?

Why am I thinking about aging today? It is because today we celebrated my wife's 39th birthday. Yes, the first and real 39th birthday. How did we celebrate it? There were three main parts to the day. First, we took the kids to the community Easter Egg Hunt. We got to hang out with friends and watch our children behave perfectly, even when their friends were not. I wish I could say that happens every day, but they're human too. Then Deb and I biked together to another city IN ANOTHER STATE and had lunch sitting on a bench outside on a beautiful day. After lunch, we biked home, mostly downhill, and had some awesome stretches of pure speed. We've never been able to discover and share this interest in cycling before because the children have been too young, but age has brought this incredible shared interest.

The last thought on the awesomnity of aging is definitely related to the biking. For the first time in years, Deb and I are able to focus some energy on being individuals, and not just on being parents. As a couple, we've lost almost 70 pounds, started exercising more (aka cycling), and had the time to seriously expand our interests in cooking and eating. We've been able to find food that is both healthier and tastier, and have enjoyed the extra time together in the kitchen preparing everything. Best of all, these new interests that have come from aging help make sure that we will have many more years of life to discover more new interests together. Everybody wants to be young, but I just don't get it - aging is AWESOME!