Reliving the Past for the First Time

This has been a tough week. I feel kind of bad saying that, because it's been a much tougher week for other people, even in the situation I'm thinking about right now, but it was tough for me too in a different way. I've made references on Facebook to being at the hospital with a student. With medical privacy laws, it's hard to know what I can say here, but hopefully since there's nothing here identifying the particular student, this will be okay. If not, well, I don't think any of my three followers will turn me in to anybody.

The student went to the hospital with internal bleeding. He felt terrible, was completely exhausted, and started excreting blood in the way you can probably imagine. To make a long story short, he almost didn't survive Friday night/Saturday morning, but on Saturday, after several failed attempts, they were able to fix the problem. (He's not out of the woods yet, but things are looking good.) I spent many hours with him in the hospital because his family was out of the country and it took them a while to get here. This was hard because he's a terrific young man, and no 16-year-old should have to go through this kind of experience, but there is more to it than that. The more I talked to his doctors about the problem or looked at the endoscopic pictures of the problem site and the fix, the more I came to realize that this problem is exactly what took my father 30 years ago this July. The last time I heard an explanation of what happened to my Dad was when I was 9 years old, and I have never fully understood it, but everything began to make sense as I listened to the explanations of what was wrong with my student. In 1981 we didn't have the ability to send a fiber optic camera down somebody's throat to identify and then fix such a problem, and I am so thankful that we do now. I have to wonder, though, if my Dad could have been saved the same way my student was. As we approach both Father's Day and the 30th anniversary of my father's death, I can't help but dwell on these thoughts more than usual. Mourning never ends, but I am thankful for all the advances we have made, and for the unsung heroes who toil all their lives in obscure laboratories making scientific advances that eventually become things they never dreamed of, like fiber optic cameras which can be threaded through a patient's mouth and into their intestines, eventually saving the lives of terrific people who deserve so many more years, like my student and my Dad. I respect those unsung heroes so much that I married one of them!

A Classic in Honor of Memorial Day Weekend - "The Final Inspection"

Memorial Day is an ironic holiday. It is the unofficial kickoff of summer and a time when everybody has a big party and rejoices. At the same time, it seems like it ought to be a solemn remembrance of those who gave their lives (and that doesn't just mean those who died!) to the protection of our freedom. While those seem to be two difficult things to do at the same time, in a lot of ways, I think it's appropriate that this weekend be a celebration of exactly those freedoms our military has given so much to defend. I've always liked this classic poem by Sgt. Joshua Helterbran honoring the sacrifices made by our servicemen, servicewomen, AND their families:

THE FINAL INSPECTION 

The soldier stood and faced God, 
Which must always come to pass. 
He hoped his shoes were shining, 
Just as brightly as his brass. 

"Step forward now, you soldier, 
How shall I deal with you? 
Have you always turned the other cheek? 
To My Church have you been true?" 

The soldier squared his shoulders and said, 
"No, Lord, I guess I ain't. 
Because those of us who carry guns, 
Can't always be a saint. 

I've had to work most Sundays, 
And at times my talk was tough. 
And sometimes I've been violent, 
Because the world is awfully rough. 

But, I never took a penny, 
That wasn't mine to keep... 
Though I worked a lot of overtime, 
When the bills got just too steep. 

And I never passed a cry for help, 
Though at times I shook with fear. 
And sometimes, God, forgive me, 
I've wept unmanly tears. 

I know I don't deserve a place, 
Among the people here. 
They never wanted me around, 
Except to calm their fears. 

If you've a place for me here, Lord, 
It needn't be so grand. 
I never expected or had too much, 
But if you don't, I'll understand. 

There was a silence all around the throne, 
Where the saints had often trod. 
As the soldier waited quietly, 
For the judgment of his God. 

"Step forward now, you soldier, 
You've borne your burdens well. 
Walk peacefully on Heaven's streets, 
You've done your time in Hell." 

-      Sgt. Joshua Helterbran

Nothing thoughtful or challenging here

Usually I like to delude myself into thinking that this blog will cause me to think a little more deeply about things I'm confronting in my life; that is simply not the case here. The entire point of this blog is that it was a great day, and maybe if I record that here, I can come back and read it sometime when it is not such a great day.


This weekend has been looming for a while now because it is SO busy. One thing I've been fighting about myself the past couple of years is that I would often rather be bored than busy. That is not the person I was when I was younger, and is not really the person I want to be today, but that's the way it often is. Yesterday was a big day with Mark's choral concert midday (he was incredible!), a meeting with my Headmaster about a statistics project he asked me to do, and finally Layne's birthday sleepover last night. This morning, Mark had a soccer game at 9:00, both kids had rock climbing practice at 10:00 (we ended up skipping that), then we hosted a baby shower for our kids' favorite teacher this afternoon. Meanwhile, my school made the state championship game for boys' lacrosse, and we were hosting that game here on our home field.

I dread this kind of busy day, but it turned out to be a terrific day. The soccer team played really well. The shower went great, and the cake Layne made was awesome! We won the state championship in lacrosse, and I even had time to take Mark to watch part of the game. In the end, we still had time for a relaxed dinner on the back porch and card playing late into the evening with the family. Tomorrow we start with Bike DC, when several of the major streets of Washington are closed to cars and only open to bikes, then another soccer game and a soccer party. It will be another busy day, but another awesome day too. Usually it's the negative things in life that really make you think about what's important to you, but a day like today does the same thing. Today was all about family, friends, and going out of the way to let our kids' teacher know that she is loved and appreciated. How could any other day make you think more about what's important in life? In the words of the great Scott Trufant (and beer ads from the '90s) - Guys, it just doesn't get any better than this!

Safety First

This may be a little reminiscent of my "It Gets Better" post a few days ago, but a blog is the most self-indulgent form of writing this side of a diary, so I'll go with it! I had a long conversation with somebody tonight about some pretty serious issues that person is dealing with. I definitely will not go into any detail in this kind of public forum, but it really got me thinking about how important a basic feeling of safety is. You can have every advantage in the world - plenty of money, a nice home, a good education, the luxury of travel and amazing life experiences, but none of that compares to feeling safe. And by "safe" I don't mean never experiencing danger or taking risks. On the contrary, a true feeling of safety gives you the confidence to take some risks and to push yourself. It's a lot easier to step into your "challenge zone" when you know you have a "comfort zone" to return to. Without that comfort zone, everything collapses down to the point where all that is left is the "panic zone". (Yes I stole that terminology from Outward Bound, who probably stole it from somewhere else.) The lasting damage done by bullies and abusers is not the immediate physical damage, but it is the destruction of the comfort zone to the point where the victim has lost all sense of safety. What's even scarier is that the safety zone can be eroded by an accumulation of much smaller things just as easily, even when everybody around you means the best. Sometimes it is just a matter of perception, but especially to your subconscious, perception is often more real and powerful than reality.

Where do you feel safest? More importantly, how do you help make sure the people in your life have a place where they feel safe as well?

Honor

I attended a boarding school that was very proud of its Honor Code, and currently teach at another boarding school that is also very proud of its Honor Code. Thinking about the two experiences, I am amazed at how much my view of "Honor" has changed over the years. When I was in high school, honor was simple. You don't lie, steal, or cheat. Why? As much as we all said that we didn't do those things because they were "wrong", the real motivation was because we could get kicked out of school for doing them. For the vast majority of us, a true concept of honor as an internal code of ethics came much later, if at all.

In my current teaching position, I have had the privilege of serving on the school's Honor Committee for three years (faculty usually only serve for 2 years, but I got to stay on for three because of external issues). At my school, the Honor Committee is intended to be an educational body first. Our charge when hearing a case was to determine if a student would be able to learn from his or her mistakes, and with the help of the Honor Committee, be able to finish their time at the school as a full believer and participant in the Honor Code. That emphasis on education rather than punishment is a HUGE issue when hearing cases, and was often the deciding matter when it came to the final decision of whether or not we asked a student to leave the school.

I grew up in the South, where Honor is a big buzzword and everybody believes they understand what it means. While serving on the Honor Committee, I learned so much more about the nuances of Honor. I learned that, in many cultures, Honor is defined by how your actions reflect on the family. For a child raised in those cultures, it is a far bigger honor violation to do poorly on a test and to make your family look bad than it is to cheat on that test and receive a high grade you didn't really earn. In many cultures, Honor is defined by how you respond to insults to yourself or your family. "An eye for an eye" is a kind of Honor for many people.

I have my own definition of Honor, and it has very little to do with any written rules or standardized moral code. It is my own. We claim as a school that our goal is for students to develop that kind of individual internal sense of Honor, but what if that sense disagrees with mine? Hopefully we all will end up agreeing on the most important points, and can live our own individual codes without interfering with others' codes, but there will always be some kind of conflict.

What does the word "Honor" mean to you? Is it a simple set of rules? Is it a nebulous concept that is too ill-defined to have any meaning in your day-to-day life? Where did it come from? Is it really yours? I have a vivid memory from my freshman year in college of sitting in Krispy Kreme at about 3 AM after having been kidnapped by the brothers of the fraternity I was pledging. One of the brothers asked me about my religious views, and I gave him my pat answer. He responded with, "No - I didn't ask what your parents believe and what the church they took you to all your life believed. I want to know what YOU believe!" I want to turn that same question to you regarding your concept of Honor. I don't want to know what your school or your parents or your church taught. How do YOU define Honor? And looking back at your daily life, how is that definition reflected in your day-to-day actions?

Yes - This IS about reality TV!

Reality TV gets a bad rap. Obviously it is not really reality, so those arguments don't hold any weight with me. Art? No, of course not. But, really - what was the last thing you watched on TV that could really be considered art? Good television is not about art. There are two ways that a show should be considered good television - if it is entertaining, and if it makes you think. Having just watched the final chapter of this season's "Survivor" I have to say that it comes out on top of BOTH of those categories. Suspense, great characters, moral dilemmas, action, tough decisions, confrontation, religion, love. What else could you possibly want from television? If you're not getting what you're looking for from Survivor, then you should turn off your TV and read a good book instead. You should probably do that anyway, and I'm happy to suggest a few good books if you're not sure what to read. This post is about Survivor, though.

SPOILER ALERT!!!!!!! STOP READING IF YOU HAVEN"T WATCHED THE FINALE AND ACTUALLY CARE ABOUT WHAT HAPPENED!!!!!!

I just watched Rob Mariano win Survivor. That's "Boston Rob" to those of your who are more comfortable thinking of him strictly as a character on a TV show rather than as a husband, father, and full, three-dimensional man. As Jeff Probst and David said, he just finished playing the best game of Survivor ever played. He was a hard worker in camp, a serious competitor in challenges, and a great friend. One of the toughest aspects of the game is that you can never make it to the end without betraying some friends and alliances, but Rob was able to do so without completely alienating the people he played with. You could easily base college courses in psychology on this game, and especially on Rob's play this season. I think Andrea pointed out one of the most important aspects of his game play. He consistently checked in with each person individually to see how they were doing, what they were thinking, and who was approaching them with other ideas. Rob made everybody feel important as an individual. That may have lost him some friends at the end of the game, but after more than 20 seasons, people should know what they are signing onto when they apply for Survivor. I can't get past that idea of making everybody feel important as an individual, though. Isn't that what we're all searching for in life? As a teacher, I want my students all to feel that they are important to me as individuals. This year I toughened up with my BC Calculus class. I pushed them harder than I ever have, and I lost several along the way. The goal was to get all students into the most appropriate class. Every year some students take BC Calculus when it really is not the best course for them for any of a large number of reasons. In the end, they don't do well on the exam and end up having to start from scratch in college. This year, I took the tough love approach and tried to get a few kids to drop down to AB Calculus. It is still an Advanced Placement course, and they are still eligible for college credit, but not for as much as if they had stayed in BC. The goal was for kids that could be successful in AB but not in BC to take the appropriate course and do well rather than to struggle in an inappropriate course. One negative result was that I got nailed on my teacher evaluations this year on the questions about how the teacher shows that he cares about your success. I believe I showed that I cared about their success by being so hard on them that they dropped down to an appropriate course where they could succeed, but of course, they aren't going to see it that way. In the end, I didn't make them feel important as individuals, and they nailed me for it on me teacher evals. I stand by how I handled them and still believe that I actually was considering what was best for them as individuals, but teachers, just like parents, often have to wait decades for their kids to understand why they did what they did.

Rob Mariano, however, made everybody feel important. Even when he got people voted out of the game, he made them understand that they had to go because they were too much of a threat. The most interesting part of Survivor is that dynamic of having to vote people out of the game while still getting them to vote for you to win in the end, and Rob mastered it this season. 

This season was interesting because of other characters besides Rob though. Matt was a star. As much as I am a HUGE Rob fan, I was disappointed that Matt didn't win the fan favorite vote. This kid gets voted out of the game early on and has to spend almost a month on Redemption Island. For a lot of that time he was completely alone, trying to survive in the wilderness without even anybody to talk to. In my life, I have had a couple of times when I have spent a night where I felt completely alone in the wilderness, and it is ROUGH. Two of those occurred when I spent a summer in Germany when I was 19 years old, not much younger than Matt. My first night there, all the youth hostels in Berlin were full and I had to find a place to sleep after 36 hours awake. I ended up spending half the night asleep in the stairwell of a rundown apartment building waiting for the brother of the wife of the son of a friend of my mother's to get home so that I could beg him to let me sleep on his floor. (BTW He immediately agreed, but only if I would go down to the corner pub and have a beer with him first. Thanks for being a terrific host, Johannes!) The second night was in Hanover, when I was nearly out of money and ended up sleeping in a field behind an overfull youth hostel. Those nights were terrifying and life-changing. I have so much respect for Matt getting through such a long time on his own on Redemption Island! The Survivor message boards are very divided on Matt. He is an extremely religious young man who credits his longevity on the show to his faith. Many call him naive or misled. I'm not sure where I come down on that, but I really don't think it matters. He is a terrific young man with his heart in the right place. His Christian faith is what led him to that place. Is that faith misplaced? Who cares! It has resulted in his being a strong, caring man and that is what really matters. He inspired a lot of people with his strength on the show and has helped a lot of people grow stronger and more confident in their faiths. We all need to draw strength from somewhere. For some it is from religion, for some from family, and some from our own internal confidence. I don't care if that strength comes from Christianity, Judaism, Islam, Buddhism, Tao, Hinduism, or Wicca. If it leads you to have enough confidence in yourself to get through extremely difficult challenges AND if it leads you to put others before yourself (which ALL major religions and most minor religions do) then you are on the right track. Much respect to Matt for the way he played this game! I hope I can be as strong and as selfless as he was when I face the challenges that lie ahead in my life!

It Gets Better

I just watched the add for Google Chrome featuring Dan Savage's It Gets Better Project. I've seen this add many times now, but I stop and watch every time. I am so impressed by Google that their add barely even mentions Google Chrome, but instead focuses on this great website that you can visit using Chrome. If you haven't figured it out yet, this blog has become my medium for hashing through things on which I'm torn in different directions, and the It Gets Better project is one of them. When I watch the add or go on the website and watch the videos, I am encouraged by all the support expressed there for teens that are struggling with their identities, but at the same time, I am so saddened by the fact that this website needs to exist.

So many of us have felt or seen the effects of bullying. I was an intelligent, overly sensitive teenager who was not so great at sports even though I LOVED them. I've definitely felt the effects of bullying. I can completely identify with teens who feel like it will never get better and that they will be miserable all their lives. Now I am an intelligent, overly sensitive adult who is not so great at sports even though I LOVE them. Even today, I can still feel some of those pangs of nervousness and inferiority when I am in the company of more traditional "alpha males." No, there is no bullying of any sort, and my feelings of inferiority are completely self-generated, but it's hard to break habits and mindsets that were burned in through teenage trauma.

This lasting feeling is what saddens me when I watch the "It Gets Better" videos. Yes - it definitely gets better, although there will always be closed-minded people. I struggle, though, with the fatalism implied in that message. It gets better. That seems to imply that there's nothing we can do about the present. Dear bullied teenager - I'm sorry life is terrible right now, but there's nothing you can do but just wait it out - it will eventually get better. I know that is not, in any way, the message that Dan Savage wants to send, and his project is doing a lot to raise awareness and start the conversation that will hopefully lead to improved lives for teenagers who differ from their area's mainstream, but I can't help hearing that message myself. What can we do to take the message a step farther and say not only "it gets better" but also "we're going to make it better right now!"? As a parent and a teacher I hope that I am helping teenagers learn to love themselves for who they are and to stand up proudly as individuals, even if they are different from most people around them. All of my effort goes toward supporting the victims, though, just like the It Gets Better project. What can I do to change the bullies to make that support unnecessary? I think that is the next step in the process, but I don't know how to go about it. What do you think?

http://www.itgetsbetter.org/blog/entry/google-launches-ad-featuring-the-it-gets-better-project-during-tonights-epi/

Darwinian Philanthropy

A couple of years ago, my daughter realized that most of the presents that one receives at a birthday party are forgotten and thrown out within months. She very quickly got on board with the idea of asking for donations to a charity in lieu of presents. (Yes, we were very proud!) For the past few years she has collected donations for the local animal shelter on her birthday. The idea has caught on with several of her friends (not just because of my daughter, but I hope she influenced them some), all of whom have collected donations for the animal shelter. Almost every project the neighborhood kids have dreamed up over the last few years has benefited the animal shelter. This year, as her birthday was approaching, my daughter confirmed that she wanted to collect donations again. When we asked if she wanted them to go to the animal shelter, she replied that, although the animal shelter was great, she wasn't sure that was what she wanted to do. Everybody around her always donated to the animal shelter, but weren't there people who needed help too? She asked, "Isn't there a place you guys donate too that helps feed the homeless and helps them find jobs so that they won't need help anymore too?" First of all - yes, children do pay attention to what their parents do even when you don't think they're watching. Second - how about that thought process from an almost-13-year-old?! She doesn't just want to help people, but she wants to help them reach a point where they don't need help any more. Yep - proud dad here!

If you've read these blog posts over the last couple of weeks, you already know that I think my daughter is one of the most awesome people in existence, but that's not really the point here. Rather, I've been thinking lately about that decision of helping humans instead of animals. (Yes, I know humans are animals - that's beside the point here. If you want to start a biology argument, I promise I have back-up that will take you down!) I support my daughter's decision to help people 100%, but I can definitely understand arguments on the other side. A stray dog or a feral cat is pretty much helpless in a world not built for them. Don't people have a lot more of an opportunity to pull themselves out of the bad situations they're in? While a human can understand the need to seek out a shelter for a hot meal or a safe bed, an animal can never understand that opportunity. I can definitely see the logic behind those arguments which cause people to oppose welfare and guaranteed health care and similar programs, although I disagree with those arguments vehemently!

On the other side, however, I have had many opportunities to interact with the people that these programs are trying to help. Unfortunately I have allowed myself to get so wrapped up in the minor issues of my pretty cushy life, that I have not spent much time working directly with the hungry and homeless as an adult as I did when I was younger, but those experiences are still very real to me. In high school I worked at a wood lot where we chopped and delivered firewood to people that could not afford to heat their homes. The best parts of that experience were the weekly deliveries to the people in need. They were amazing people who worked so much harder than I did every day, and they still needed help just to get by. In college, I spent many nights working at a local homeless shelter. With hours of unstructured time hanging out with the guests at the shelter, I got to know several of them pretty well. The one thing I came to realize more than anything else was that there is no "typical" homeless person. Everybody had a different story. Many were well-educated. Most had gone through situations that were completely beyond their control which helped to land them in their current predicament (kind of like the stray animals above). Almost all were working hard to find a way out of poverty and hunger.

So who deserves our help more? Humans or other animals? Do you choose humans because we should help our own species first, or because they are capable of understanding their situations and suffer psychologically as well as physically? Do you choose animals because they have no way of helping themselves? We haven't even touched on the question about helping animals that aren't cute and furry! I am sure that we do not all agree on the answers to these questions, and I hope that we never do. As long as we disagree, we will hopefully continue striving to help every creature that needs our assistance. Who knows? Someday I may be the one needing help, and hopefully one of the children from a family for whom I chopped wood years ago will be in a position to help me.

What, are you blind?!?!

My 9-year-old son has been playing in the local recreational soccer league since the spring before he started Kindergarten. I was his head coach for several years, and am now an assistant coach. For a couple of seasons in the middle, my wife and I were the league coordinators, so we heard a lot about everything happening in the league. While soccer has been an almost completely positive experience, it seems like there are some parents every year who just don't get it. When we were coordinators, we had to deal with a situation where a parent screamed at and threatened a child on the other team - a 7-YEAR-OLD child. One coach physically shoved my wife because he decided she was standing too close to the field. (Note that I have several times had to ask parents to move their chairs because they had actually set them up ON the field, and my wife was helping to coach and standing about a foot out of bounds where coaches usually stand.) That same coach created such an intense atmosphere for his kids that they had to end a game early because his 8-year-olds got in a fistfight with the other team. Just this week, we all got a reminder e-mail from the Association director that it is inappropriate for parents to make negative comments to players or parents from the other team during games. Having worked closely with the Association office as coordinator, I know those e-mails do not come without some incident provoking them.

So my question is - WHO DOES THIS? These are kids in a recreational league. There is a parallel league which is much more serious and competitive if you really have to get that intense. I think the question we all need to ask ourselves is - what is the point of youth sports? Sports are a great way for kids to get exercise, to learn to work as a team, to learn to subordinate their own desires and glory in favor of the needs of the group, and to learn how to win and lose gracefully. Sure, it's fun to win games, but at this level, that is the LEAST important part of sports. At a US Soccer coaching course a few years ago, we talked about this issue, and the coach teaching the course made a great suggestion. When talking to a child about the game they just played in, never ask, "Did you win?" At least don't ask it as the first question. It's great advice. The next time you see a child after a game, ask "How was your game? Did you have fun? Did you play hard?" It's easy to come up with questions about the game that don't focus on winning and help the child to think about more important aspects of the game. I guarantee you'll find out the score very quickly without having to ask, and the child will know that you care about something other than winning and losing.

In the words of the immortal John Walker - It's criminal that they should pay me for this!

Just like everybody else, I occasionally find myself wondering why in the world I do the job I do. Especially during weeks like this when I am looking at four nights of dorm duty in a row, from Thursday through Sunday, after spending all of this evening in my classroom. Whenever I'm wondering why I do this, I always have a moment that makes me think, "Oh yeah! Now I remember!" One of those moments happened tonight.

With the AP Calculus exam tomorrow, I spent the evening, from 8:00 to 10:15 working with students in my classroom. These kids were really getting it tonight and were making connections that I didn't think they would be able to make when we started the year. They were eager, interested, and working hard, and it was a lot of fun. After putting all of my things together so that I could come home and prepare for tomorrow, I walked over to the faculty lounge in the next building to check my mail. On the way there, I found a group of 7 or 8 students lying on the floor of the main administration building discussing stories and essays written by their peers. When I got into the faculty room, I found another group of students on the couches, discussing poetry written by their peers. "What statement does this poem make?" "It's very difficult to write rhyming poetry without it sounding like a nursery rhyme, but she did a really good job of making it flow and rhyme without being distracting or condescending." I had a good discussion today with a 9th grader about the Honor Code and developing a sense of personal honor. After I finish my class prep for tomorrow, I am then going to help judge the submissions in the library's haiku contest. On Saturday night, I get to attend the school Music Assembly - completely student organized and presented, not for any kind of grade, but just for the fun of performing. It's a highlight of the spring every year. Why do I do this job? The answer is E) All of the above.

Bin Laden Confusion

Obviously the big news of the last 24 hours is that US forces in Pakistan ended Osama Bin Laden's reign at the top of the terror network constantly aimed at the US. I am in awe at the skill of the troops who carried out that mission, achieving the top goal of US military and intelligence for the last decade with a surgical strike resulting in no American injuries and almost no collateral damage. They are heroes and should be recognized as such.

At the same time, I am conflicted in my own emotions. While watching the coverage on TV last night, at first I considered heading into Washington to join the crowd in front of the White House just to be a part of it. The feeling of losing oneself in the excitement of a crowd is Awesome! (The capital A was an accidental typo, but I decided that it was appropriate and left it.) I have experienced that feeling several times. The first was in Muenster, Germany in 1990 when Germany won the soccer world cup. Definitely the best party I have ever been a part of! I have also had that feeling while storming the court after a big victory over the Tarheels while I was a student at Wake Forest. We beat Duke 5 times while I was there, but UNC only once. The most recent time I felt carried away by the crowd was at Barack Obama's Inauguration, a feeling of joy and hope that will carry me for years. The crowd in front of the White House was obviously in the grips of that amazing group feeling. What kept me from going in to join the crowd and being part of this historic event was the nagging thought in the back of my mind that all these people were rejoicing and celebrating that a man was shot in the eye and killed violently. Was that something I really wanted to be a part of?

This question is at the heart of the difference between justice and grace. There can be no question that Justice was served last night. Osama Bin Laden deserved nothing less than a violent and painful death. Where does grace fit into the picture, though? Isn't the entire point that we are right and he is wrong because we don't believe in causing the violent and painful death of other human beings? My initial reaction to the "burial at sea" of the body within 24 hours was disbelief at the stupidity of the move, leaving the door open for doubters to claim that it was not really Bin Laden. However, after learning that Islam requires the disposal of the body within 24 hours (I assume there is much more to it than that, but have not had a chance to learn what), I understand that this was actually Barack Obama and the US military showing us that they are just as adept at grace as they are at justice. Even with an undeniably evil terrorist who was the number one enemy of our nation, we showed the grace to treat the body as it should have been treated under the religion Bin Laden so terribly misinterpreted. Yes, this was a calculated move to maintain the allegiance and good will of Muslim nations, but it was also an example of grace that was unnecessary but good.

This post was entitled "Confusion" because that is exactly what I feel - not judgement, not satisfaction, not elation, not relief. I fully understand and sympathize with the feelings of those who were celebrating in front of the White House last night. I fortunately cannot in any way imagine how those who lost loved ones on 9/11 feel about yesterday's events, but I am ready to support them, however they feel. I just cannot, myself, rejoice in the death of another person, no matter how evil he is. In my eyes all killing is evil, but sometimes it is a necessary evil. If forced to take a stand, I will say that this one was a necessary evil, but a part of me cannot help being sad that we have created a world where that can possibly be true.