Safety First

This may be a little reminiscent of my "It Gets Better" post a few days ago, but a blog is the most self-indulgent form of writing this side of a diary, so I'll go with it! I had a long conversation with somebody tonight about some pretty serious issues that person is dealing with. I definitely will not go into any detail in this kind of public forum, but it really got me thinking about how important a basic feeling of safety is. You can have every advantage in the world - plenty of money, a nice home, a good education, the luxury of travel and amazing life experiences, but none of that compares to feeling safe. And by "safe" I don't mean never experiencing danger or taking risks. On the contrary, a true feeling of safety gives you the confidence to take some risks and to push yourself. It's a lot easier to step into your "challenge zone" when you know you have a "comfort zone" to return to. Without that comfort zone, everything collapses down to the point where all that is left is the "panic zone". (Yes I stole that terminology from Outward Bound, who probably stole it from somewhere else.) The lasting damage done by bullies and abusers is not the immediate physical damage, but it is the destruction of the comfort zone to the point where the victim has lost all sense of safety. What's even scarier is that the safety zone can be eroded by an accumulation of much smaller things just as easily, even when everybody around you means the best. Sometimes it is just a matter of perception, but especially to your subconscious, perception is often more real and powerful than reality.

Where do you feel safest? More importantly, how do you help make sure the people in your life have a place where they feel safe as well?