My 9-year-old son has been playing in the local recreational soccer league since the spring before he started Kindergarten. I was his head coach for several years, and am now an assistant coach. For a couple of seasons in the middle, my wife and I were the league coordinators, so we heard a lot about everything happening in the league. While soccer has been an almost completely positive experience, it seems like there are some parents every year who just don't get it. When we were coordinators, we had to deal with a situation where a parent screamed at and threatened a child on the other team - a 7-YEAR-OLD child. One coach physically shoved my wife because he decided she was standing too close to the field. (Note that I have several times had to ask parents to move their chairs because they had actually set them up ON the field, and my wife was helping to coach and standing about a foot out of bounds where coaches usually stand.) That same coach created such an intense atmosphere for his kids that they had to end a game early because his 8-year-olds got in a fistfight with the other team. Just this week, we all got a reminder e-mail from the Association director that it is inappropriate for parents to make negative comments to players or parents from the other team during games. Having worked closely with the Association office as coordinator, I know those e-mails do not come without some incident provoking them.
So my question is - WHO DOES THIS? These are kids in a recreational league. There is a parallel league which is much more serious and competitive if you really have to get that intense. I think the question we all need to ask ourselves is - what is the point of youth sports? Sports are a great way for kids to get exercise, to learn to work as a team, to learn to subordinate their own desires and glory in favor of the needs of the group, and to learn how to win and lose gracefully. Sure, it's fun to win games, but at this level, that is the LEAST important part of sports. At a US Soccer coaching course a few years ago, we talked about this issue, and the coach teaching the course made a great suggestion. When talking to a child about the game they just played in, never ask, "Did you win?" At least don't ask it as the first question. It's great advice. The next time you see a child after a game, ask "How was your game? Did you have fun? Did you play hard?" It's easy to come up with questions about the game that don't focus on winning and help the child to think about more important aspects of the game. I guarantee you'll find out the score very quickly without having to ask, and the child will know that you care about something other than winning and losing.
There's a guy in my office like that. He coaches his 10-year-old son's rec league AND travel team for baseball. Two years ago, he was banned from the league for unsportsmanlike conduct. Last year he was allowed back on a provisional basis. (I guess he did okay.)
ReplyDeleteBut when he came in and told us he'd been removed as the coach, he was almost proud of it. I was like, "Dude, your kid is EIGHT. What kind of example are you setting for him and the other kids if you're getting into a screaming match with the umpire? At a rec league game!"
I don't get it. A friend of mine was complaining about this very issue on her blog last year. Her daughter (eight years old) was getting screamed at by another team mom. I mean, seriously.
Mike (my husband) coached basketball for one season a few years ago. Since he was the newest coach, he got last picks in the "draft." His team lost just about every game. At the championship series, the top team beat us by 45 points or something obscene like that. The coach of the other team was jeering at our kids, saying he wanted to get a picture of the scoreboard with the losers standing under it.
It's insane. I don't get it. I understand competitive drive, but seriously, there's got to be a better way to inspire genuine competitive spirit without so much negativity.
Especially at this age.