Yourself: Unlocked. (stolen from Outward Bound Baltimore)

Warning before you start reading - I really have no idea what I am about to write. I'm feeling philosophical and need to write something, no matter how incoherent it is. For the handful of people who read this sporadic blog, you've probably figured out already that it is self-indulgent and of no consequence or interest to most people.

This Friday I head out into the woods. One of the advantages of teaching where I do is that we send the entire 9th grade on a 5-day backpacking experience on the Appalachian Trail with Outward Bound, and they need teachers to go on the trip. As somebody who enjoys hiking and camping already, this is pretty much a week of paid vacation for me, but at the same time, it is so much more.

My school has a somewhat bi-modal population, although we are working to remedy that. With a tuition within sniffing range of $50,000 a year, we have a large number of students who come from wealth and privilege, but with a sizable financial aid program, we also have a good number of students from the other end of the socioeconomic spectrum, many of whom have been part of academic programs designed to identify promising students in urban areas and prepare them for boarding school. Neither group of students tends to have a huge amount of experience in the wilderness.

On this backpacking trip, I have the opportunity to watch kids face life outside of their comfort zones. Some adjust immediately and thrive, but the more interesting ones are those who really have to work to find something positive. At some point along the trip, the Outward Bound instructors (who are awesome people!) give a lesson about the different zones - Comfort Zone, Challenge Zone, and Panic Zone. (Some instructors have had different names for them, but those are my favorite.) We tend to gravitate to our Comfort Zones, where we know what to expect at all times and can handle any situation easily but the Comfort Zone is also pretty stagnant. There is no growth there at all. The Panic Zone is where we feel so out of control or so out of our element, that we just cannot adapt to the situation. There is really no growth or learning in the Panic Zone either, because we are just relying on basic instinct to get by. The Challenge Zone is where the magic happens. We are definitely not in that Comfort Zone where everything is easy, but we have the confidence that, if we focus and work hard, we will succeed. The entire Outward Bound experience is designed to force kids out of the Comfort Zone and into the Challenge Zone while providing enough support and flexibility to avoid the Panic Zone.

Before I get to the moral of the story (I think I've figured out what I'm writing about now), let's look at my previous experiences on this trip. I have been blessed with some really good groups through the years, but I think that's mainly a result of the fact that our Admissions Office has blessed us with some truly amazing kids. My first year on this trip, our group sang for the entire 5 days. It's hard to have a bad day when you are being serenaded by 12 teenagers every step of the way! We had one girl who was so eager to try new things that the instructors had to give her a day when she wasn't allowed to volunteer for anything. That year, we also ended up hiking an extra 10 miles one day because the kids did not take responsibility for their group gear and left the critter line at our campsite. I wouldn't have minded too much if I hadn't sprained my ankle the day before! We also had a medical evacuation for a boy who discovered the hard way that he was allergic to bee stings. This group was truly resilient! The kids are encouraged to pick up trash along the trail and carry it out with us, and one boy that year picked up a full size propane tank for a large gas grill about 15 minutes into the first day and carried it the entire way! There are highs and there are lows, but the high wouldn't seem quite as high without the lows mixed in.

Another year, I had what I call my worst group ever. This group had a really tough mix of boys. One was very sensitive, but also very proud, which is a dangerous combination. Two others were very smart, but also immaturely cruel. (Both have matured a lot over the last few years and are turning into terrific young men who will one day be very embarrassed by their behavior on this trip.) The latter two teamed up in an attempt to pick at every little insecurity the other boy had. It was truly disgusting. That year we also had lots of rain, which immediately pushes everybody out of the Comfort Zone. Unfortunately we had a lot of Panic Zone time that year. The group also included some tremendous young women who weren't sure what to make of the testosteroney posturing of the boys. After several days, one of them stood up during evening meeting and declared that what was going on was completely unacceptable and needed to stop immediately. I'd wanted to say that for 3 days, but the point of the trip is for the kids to work things out for themselves. That girl still has my respect and gratitude to this day.

Last year was probably my favorite year on this backpacking trip. We had a diverse group of kids from very different social "cliques" who melded really well on the trail. It was definitely the most Breakfast Clubby group I've hiked with. On the last night of the trip, we "shipwrecked" the kids. The premise was that they had been on a ship that overturned in the ocean and they could only grab a few supplies before swimming to shore on a small island. They were not able to get the tarps they used for shelter, but, since it was cold that night, they were able to get all of their sleeping bags. The adults cooked them food that night, but they had to gather wood and keep a fire burning all night for warmth. With everybody huddled around the campfire on an unseasonably cold night, that night was my favorite night so far on this trip through the years. We all spoke in British accents and chose one of the students in our midst to be Queen. We laughed so hard that one of the Outward Bound instructors peed her pants multiple times. It was one of those nights where everything is perfect, but you know that, as soon as you arrive back on campus, everyone will splinter back into their own social groups. Why do we do that? Under pressure, when we most need to rely on each other, we are able to form these incredible bonds, but when we no longer have that pressure, we seem to have a need to create strife.I wish I could say that is unique to teenagers, but have you followed politics in the last 15 years?

OKAY, now back to the moral of the story. Think back several paragraphs ago to the Comfort Zone - Challenge Zone - Panic Zone lesson. We all tend to live our lives in the Comfort Zone and work hard to protect that, but wouldn't we be better off if we deliberately stepped into that Challenge Zone more often? What have you done lately to force yourself into that Challenge Zone, where you are uncomfortable and have room for real growth, but not panicked? One of the reasons I am particularly excited about this backpacking trip this year is that I really don't know any of the ninth graders right now. In the past, I could be confident that I would already know at least half of the kids in my group pretty well, but this year, because of the classes I am teaching and my other responsibilities at school, I know very few ninth graders. Heading out for 5 days with a group of strangers definitely puts me into my Challenge Zone, but since I am an adult in a group of 14 and 15 year-olds, there is still a clear level of safety for me there. It is far more challenging for one of the kids who gets put into a group where he or she doesn't know anybody.

How else am I stepping into the Challenge Zone this year? There are two places where I have made a conscious effort to do so. The first is in my job at school. I am beginning to work with the school newspaper this year with the goal of taking over as Faculty Advisor next year. That is a huge Challenge Zone experience for me. I am confident that, if I put my mind and energy to it, I can succeed, but at the same time, it is terrifying to take on something so public and requiring so much coordination. That is what the Challenge Zone is all about. The second is in my personal life. My wife and I competed as two legs of a relay team in a triathlon this year and have both been bitten by the triathlon bug. Next year we want to compete as individuals. We have picked out a particular small sprint triathlon as a starter, and it is terrifying for me in two ways. The first is that I am not a good swimmer. I finally learned to swim with a definable stroke just before I turned 40, and I can only maintain a true crawl for about 50 meters before I have to switch to breast stroke. The second scary part of it is that there will be one individual volunteer counting my laps as I do the dreaded swim in a pool. That loss of anonymity casts me to the far edge of the Challenge Zone, peeking over the precipice into the Panic Zone. If I want to continue to grow, though, I need those challenging experiences where I confront my demons in a situation where I am confident that I can overcome them.

FINALLY, the true moral of the story! As a teacher, how can I set up these kind of situations for my students in the classroom. Studies have shown that the vast majority of high school students are already firmly biased one way or the other about math. It is either a Comfort Zone activity or a Panic Zone activity for them with few in between. As a high school math teacher, I have to find ways for my students to meet in the middle. It's like a favorite quote of mine from a former teacher at my school. Patrick Henry Calloway described the school chapel as a place that should "comfort the afflicted and afflict the comfortable." That's exactly what my classroom should do! Achieving both of those goals at the same time is the magic that only a truly gifted teacher can achieve. I am at the point in my career where becoming that truly gifted teacher is in my Challenge Zone. I am not there yet, but I believe, if I work at it hard enough, I can reach that goal. One of the reasons I love this annual backpacking trip so much is that it always reminds me of that long-term goal AND of the fact that it is achievable. While this Outward Bound trip is designed to help the students become the best people they can be, it truly helps me do the same, and I absolutely love this annual reminder.

To Serve, To Strive, and not To Yield. Let's us all always be Outward Bound.

Count Your Blessings

Yep - after a long hiatus, this is going to be another Pollyanna blog post from the GMT. I just finished sending an e-mail which got me thinking about how lucky I am to be exactly where I am today. It is too obvious to spend this post talking about how I have the greatest family ever (which I do), bragging about how much both of my kids impress me every day, mostly by their fierce individuality and independence. Instead, I'm going to talk about my job. Once again, it is easy to write at length about how lucky I am to get to work with a very diverse group of teenagers every day (my school accepted students from 17 different countries for next year!). This post is, instead, about the structure of my job - something I complain about all to often as do most of us.

What has me so happy about my job structure right now? It is the short series of e-mails I have sent and received over the past week. I teach in a boarding high school, and I came to this school after teaching in a junior boarding school where I lived on the 7th grade boys hall of the dormitory. Because of my experience working with younger boys, I was placed on the ninth grade team dorm when I arrived at my current school. For the last 11 years, I have been an adviser to 9th grade boys and have been a dorm parent on the 9th grade boys dorm. (Daniel, please excuse my lack of apostrophes in "boys" throughout this post. I decided it was easier to leave it out entirely than to figure out where it should go every time.) Next year, my daughter will be a 9th grade girl at my school. Having spent so much time with 9th grade boys over the last decade+, I can say without question that I do not want to hear what next year's 9th grade boys might say about my daughter. I really don't want to even know them that well. I would rather get to know them as they age and mature instead of judging them at this age. I sent one quick e-mail to the Assistant Headmaster for Student Life explaining why I would like to switch to an upperclass dorm next year, and why I would like to be an upperclass advisor too (very different challenges and an exciting change regardless of my daughter's presence in the 9th grade). The Assistant Head e-mailed back quickly and said that both requests should be pretty easy to honor. I also am interested in making a change to my coaching assignments, so I sent a quick e-mail to the Athletic Directors explaining that. They won't be able to respond with a final decision for a while, but as I was typing the e-mail I was struck by the thought - "How many people can just e-mail their boss and request a pretty big change in their responsibilities AND get such positive responses?" In the job I am in, it seems perfectly reasonable to request major changes that will affect my colleagues as well just because of my family situation and because I am looking for a new challenge. The ability to do that is a luxury that I MUST appreciate. So often we get caught up in complaining about the negatives of our jobs (I am probably far more guilty of that than most), so I think it is important to recognize the situations in which I am truly blessed by my circumstances. Usually in April a teacher isn't looking forward to anything but the summer, but right now I am SO excited for next year!

X-Games

I can't resist putting my thoughts about the X-Games on "paper". I am a huge sports fan in every possible way. I love to compete myself, although I have no skills. I run road races, duathlons, bike rides, and will soon complete my first triathlon. I love to play basketball, soccer, lacrosse, and virtually any other sport I get the chance to play. As a teacher and coach, I can definitely see the value of sports in a young person's life. The lessons of trusting your teammates, being a trustworthy teammate, and handling winning and losing with grace are invaluable. The ability to find victory in defeat is crucial as well. (What did I do particularly well today? What did I learn today to make myself better tomorrow?)

The world of professional sports is an entirely different thing, though, and too often, youth sports seem to emulate that world. On TV we daily watch the desperate struggle to win, or to make more money than other athletes. Violence has become commonplace in professional sports, and we write it off as players' being emotional. All of us are emotional, but most of us don't get to punch somebody at work and write it off as really caring about our jobs!

This week, I've spent a lot of time watching the X-Games, and they always renew my faith in sports. Perhaps part of it is that there are very few events in the X-Games where people directly compete against others at the same time, but the sportsmanship is astounding. Simply thinking about the final night of the games on Sunday, there is plenty of fodder for optimism. I watched the Snowmobile Best Trick competition in which riders did insane things off a huge ramp with a snowmobile. Hoyer went for a trick that nobody had completed in competition previously - the double back-flip. Unfortunately, and somewhat gruesomely, he didn't complete the trick on Sunday, and instead crashed nose-first, with the 450-lb snowmobile landing on top of him. The injuries were bad, but not life-threatening. What really struck me about this situation, though, was the reaction of all his competitors, especially Heath Frisby. Frisby was also planning on trying a trick that had never been completed in competition - the front flip. Hoyer's failure greatly increased Frisby's chances of winning. Instead of celebrating his own good luck at Hoyer's failure, as many mainstream professional athletes would have done, Frisby dropped everything and sprinted for a monitor where he could see if his friend/competitor was all right. Later in the evening, when Frisby landed his front-flip, everyone in the crowd, including his competitors, went nuts. They were so excited about being witnesses to history, and so supportive of their friend's success, that nothing else mattered. In what other sport do you still see that kind of sportsmanship?

One other moment in that same broadcast of the X-Games really struck me as amazing. The games ended with the finals of the men's snowboard Superpipe, an event that Shaun White was expected to win. Not surprisingly, when it came down to White's final run of the night, he had already won the gold medal. He could have ridden straight down the center of the pipe without pulling any tricks at all and he still would have won. What did White do? He threw down the most difficult run in the history of Snowboarding! At the end of his run, when he was tired and had lost a lot of his speed, he combo-ed two tricks - one that only two people in the world can do, and one that only Shaun White can do - to finish his run. He wound up with a perfect 100, the highest score ever given in snowboarding. In the NFL, when a game is meaningless, the team sits its best players. In a similar situation, Shaun White took the biggest risk in his sport's history. I can't necessarily blame the NFL teams for this, because they have to be looking toward the future - they have a franchise to worry about. I do, however, appreciate the approach Shaun White took. This non-mainstream sport is still about the thrill and the love of the sport, not about winning championships and earning money.

In a world where sports have become a major business and fans have become jaded, the X-Games remind me of what sports are all about. A big thank you to Shaun White, Bobby Brown, and Sarah Burke for reminding me why I love sports and competition, and I can't wait for next year!

My Favorite T-Shirt

I have a t-shirt that I bought in Gatlinburg, TN when I was there for a family reunion honoring my Grandmother's 90th birthday. On the back, the shirt says, "You don't stop exploring when you get old. You get old when you stop exploring." That has become my favorite cheezy saying.

I was thinking about that shirt while I was out for a run today, and it got me thinking about the year I have ahead of me. I turn 40 next week, and my kids love to remind me that I will officially be over the hill and old. Then I think about what's coming up. In March I will become a certified SCUBA diver. A week later, I will run my 4th half marathon. In June, I will compete in my first ever triathlon, then a week later, I'll be in Hawaii using that SCUBA certification for the first time. In the Fall, my daughter will start high school at the school where I teach, and my son will start middle school - big adventures for all of us. I'd be willing to bet money that my wife and I will finish our first Century ride together this fall as well. 40 sounds pretty awesome to me! If this is what it means to get old, then bring it on!

There is always something new out there to try - it doesn't have to be physical or athletic. Maybe the next year I'll start learning to speak Korean to better communicate with some of my students' families or take a class in a new area of math. I definitely plan on running the Spartan Race some day. Seemingly surrounded by writers these days, maybe I'll focus on writing that book I've always wanted to write. (No, I have no idea what it would be about.) I'm embarrassed by how many museums there are in this city which I've never visited. Maybe I'll finally learn to sail like I've always wanted - the classes are pretty cheap. I have a pretty thorough knowledge of the Southern Pennsylvania and Central Virginia sections of the Appalchian Trail; that only leaves about 2100 more miles to check out.

You don't stop exploring when you get old. You get old when you stop exploring. I resolve to NEVER get old!

Carpe Diem

It's been a long time since I wrote my last blog entry. Maybe that's why I only have two followers. :) I only write when I'm inspired by something and today I was inspired. I teach in a private, church-affiliated school, and our Friday chapel service is completely student-run each week. It's definitely the highlight of the chapel week. Today, one of my students spoke and although she didn't reveal the key fact until halfway through her talk, I knew from the beginning because I teach her. She spoke about going home from boarding school for Christmas break and getting together with her friends from her old K-8 school. They planned a reunion of a big group of friends and at the last minute realized they had not invited one girl they had known. They decided that, although they liked her and were friends with her, she would make the reunion awkward if she were there. (Admit it, you can think of exactly the person in your past who fits that description.) In the end, they decided not to invite her, because they could always invite her to a Spring Break reunion later. Two weeks later, they got the news that the girl they had not invited had died in a car accident. There would be no opportunity for a Spring Break reunion.

There are so many ways you could go emotionally in that situation, especially as a teenager - some of the most emotionally tumultuous years of life. I can say from experience that I would not react well. Listening to this student speak today, I was drawn back to the late 80s, when I was a teenager in high school. Throughout my youth, my best friends were my friends in the church youth group, even though I did not go to school with any of them. We had a very tight group that had been close friends since earliest memories, despite the fact that our ages ranged across several years. I was one of the younger ones in the group, so I was still in high school when many had gone off to college. Although we didn't stay in touch as well as we should have, there was still a tight connection. I still have vivid memories of the day I learned that one of our group had been killed in a car accident. She was already in college and was coming back from a service trip when the driver of the car fell asleep. I had attended a number of funerals by that point in my life, but this was the first time I had mourned somebody around my own age who had been a friend of mine.

The student who spoke today took such a mature and optimistic approach to the tragedy. (This seems like a good moment to throw out my mantra - TEENAGERS ARE AWESOME!) She spoke about taking advantage of the opportunities we have every day to enjoy life and to touch the lives of those around us. She put off inviting her old friend to the reunion and permanently missed the chance to do so. Rather than dwelling on that missed opportunity, she has used this tragedy to motivate herself and others not to miss those chances in the future. Every single day, we need to recognize, appreciate, and act on all the opportunities we have. Life is truly awesome and we waste so much of it being negative or apathetic. Even if we live to be 100 years old, we still have so many opportunities to fill that life with awesomeness that we pass up for no particular reason. The speaker today encouraged all of us to take advantage of those opportunities and to appreciate even the little things that we get to experience and enjoy every day.

I'm sure the similarities between today's chapel speaker and my own high school experience are pretty clear, but there's more. I attended my friend's funeral in high school, at the church where we had all spent so many happy hours together. While most funerals have one or two speakers who deliver a message about the deceased's life, this funeral was different, and far more meaningful and moving. Instead of a speaker, they played a recording over the church's sound system. Less than a year before, my friend had delivered the message at the funeral of a friend of hers. She spoke about the fact that this tragedy made her realize that every day could be the last. She resolved never to miss an opportunity to let the people around her know how much they meant to her or to make a difference in other people's lives, because every interaction she has with somebody could be her last. Most importantly, she followed through on that resolution. After that day, her life was a mission to make things better for those around her. Less than a year later, her time came, and she was the speaker at her own funeral.

Today's chapel speech reminded me of that day, 20 years ago. While there is no other way to describe the accidental death of a teenager in a car wreck other than as a tragedy, this student has found the meaning behind the tragedy. What a gift to realize at the age of 18 how awesome life is and how many opportunities we have to reach out to those around us! I get wrapped up in my own issues and stresses and lose track of the amazing privileges I have and the wonderful people who surround me every day. Today Tyler reminded me of Carrie, and of how lucky I am, and I really needed that. In January people tend to focus on what is wrong with their lives. New Year's Resolutions are all about fixing things. When you think about it, though, so much is right in our lives. If you are still looking for a New Year's Resolution, how about resolving to appreciate all the awesome little moments and people you encounter every day? Maybe if we all resolve to do that, we won't need tragedies to remind us of how great we have it.

In case I haven't said it enough yet - TEENAGERS ARE AWESOME - and I get to learn from them every single day!

New Perspective

A month or so ago, some television channel ran a marathon of old episodes of My So-Called Life. When I'm up late working and there's nothing good on TV for background noise, I'll turn on an episode on the DVR. It is definitely interesting to go back to a show that you loved as a teenager now that you have 20 years of perspective. My first thought each time I watch is that the show really was THAT good! It is definitely one of the best-written shows ever on television, and the acting is actually really good too - especially considering that they were almost all unknown kids at the time. As a parent and a high school teacher, I feel like I'm more qualified than most to judge the authenticity of a show about teenagers, and they did a terrific job.

I recognized my truly new perspective while watching the show last night. I was a teenage boy when the show came out, so I don't think anybody will be surprised that I was totally in love with Angela Chase back then. Now I'm watching the show as the parent of a daughter not far from Angela's age. Last night I watched the pilot in which Angela dyes her hair that awesome dark red. This past summer, my daughter dyed her hair blue. Sometimes Angela has trouble finding her place in school because she thinks about things and feels things at a deeper level than most of her classmates - again, just like my daughter. Watching this show from the perspective of a parent is possibly even more awesome than watching it from the perspective of a teenager. At the end of the pilot last night, after struggling through her desire to rebel and be independent, Angela finally breaks down and falls crying into the safety of her mother's arms. It was a perfect portrayal of the struggles of a young teenager, wanting freedom but needing safety at the same time. My first thought  - Wow! That just completely made her mother's year! Watching the show as a teenager, I had no idea how difficult all of this was for her parents  - trying to find the right balance of letting Angela figure out who she is without giving her too much rope. Sometimes they mess up, sometimes they hit the balance perfectly. At the same time they have their own struggles and issues to deal with. They are not perfect, but overall they do a pretty darned good job and have raised a pretty awesome daughter. I had no idea that you could watch this as a show about the struggles of parenting a teenager as opposed to just a show about the struggles of being a teenager, but it's a brand new show this way, and equally awesome!

Jump to 4:30 for the final scene. Any parent will appreciate the look on Mrs. Chase's face when Angela starts to apologize.

Shipwrecked

One of the highlights of my year at work is the Burch trip. We take the entire ninth grade out for a 5-day backpacking experience on the Appalachian Trail, led by instructors from Outward Bound. I love watching our students tackle the challenges they face on the trail and experience an environment completely unlike what many of them are used to. One faculty member accompanies each group of 10-12 students, and the experience has been completely different with the different groups of kids I have accompanied. Some years I am very impressed by them, and other years I am disappointed. Even in the disappointing years, though, there are always a few kids that stand out from the group as exceptional.

The Outward Bound instructors are very good at challenging the group just beyond their comfort zones. They have a huge bag of tricks from which to draw and adjust their plan on the fly as they learn what the current group can handle. So far, my favorite challenge they've given the group is the Shipwreck. We roped off a small part of the campsite and told the group that their ship had capsized. As they swam to the closest island, they were only able to grab three bags of gear. We set out the gear in bags for them to choose before we started. The groups of 10 chose a bag with three sleeping bags, another with a single headlamp so that they could see to use the bathroom during the night, and the "mystery bag". If they had chosen dinner, they would have also had to choose the stove to cook it, so they correctly assumed the mystery bag had food that didn't need cooking in it. The group all agreed at the end of the trip that shipwreck was the best night of the trip, as they had to really work together to get through the night.

Why am I thinking about this right now? The kids are out on Burch right now. I wasn't able to go this year because I committed our family to hosting an exchange student this week instead, but I can't help but think about the trip this week. Tonight I am thinking about the shipwreck. If some calamity happened to my home, what would be the three things I would grab on my way out of the house? The true answer is too easy. I would get my family out. Really - what else matters? But that answer is too easy, so let's make a "no living things" rule. If some calamity happened to your home and you could only grab three things on the way out, with everything else sure to be destroyed, what three things would you grab (other than living things)? It's a tough question, and one that can definitely induce some guilt. Once you choose your three, look back at them and think about what that says about you.

What are my three? Even as I type this, I'm not sure. I'll give it a try, though. This is just a rough draft.

1) My laptop. So much is on my laptop - everything that has to do with my work, all of my photos, a lot of my day-to-day entertainment. It seems like a minor thing, but computers really have become the link between the individual and the world.

2) My dad's picture. I only have one (he died over 30 years ago), and right now it's not even on the wall because it recently fell and the frame broke and I haven't gotten around to replacing the frame, but I think I'd want that one momento.

3) As much as I could possibly grab related to the piano. If I could get the piano itself out, I would. If not, I would grab an armload of sheet music, assuming that I could use pianos in the practice rooms at school. The piano is the easiest way for me to tap into and express whatever emotions I've been bottling up inside, and I think if I had some kind of calamity in which I lost all but three things I owned, I would need that outlet to get me through.

Once you put those three things in writing, you have to start thinking about what you left out. The one glaring omission seems to be anything family-related. I haven't rescued my kids' baby books or the cake topper from our wedding (which we still proudly display). Since the assumption at the beginning was that living things were safe, I hope it is not too damning that I did not rescue any of those things. We should still have plenty of years to create new memories.

What are your three? Do you see a theme? Are they all work-related? Family-related? Selfish (like mine)? What does that mean? Are you brave enough to respond with your three things in the comments section below? With what should I replace one of the items on my list of three?